Unrecognizable
by Marie Elaine Cullen
Summary: Alex is at the SAS camp training with K-Unit, and has been for 2 years. All is well until a group of kids show up. You guessed it, it's the Brookland schoolkids! So now Alex has to hide his identity. Hard when he's in charge of the kids isn't it. Complete
1. You've got to be kidding me

AN: Well, I've been reading a bunch of Alex Rider fanfiction, and I thought I might as well try out writing one… so… here goes… an AR fanfic… By the way, I know the whole "class goes to SAS" thing is way overused, but this one has an original twist….. Just read on will you!!!???

**Disclaimer: I share nothing with Anthony Horowitz, not nationality, not gender, and definitely not ownership of Alex Rider… no matter how many flowers I send to him!!!!**

**BTW: This is Post-Snakehead**

**Unrecognizable**

**Chapter 1: You've got to be kidding me**

Alex POV

"Hey, Cub!!" Eagle shouted out.

"Yeah, Eagle???" I shouted back.

"The Sergeant wants us in his office."

"What for??"

"No idea, but I've got a bad feeling about it…"

"Hey, I'M supposed to be the spy around here!"

Eagle laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

"You're rubbing off on us Cubby!!"

Eagle stopped laughing as I twisted his arm behind his back.

"I GIVE!!! I GIVE!!!!" He yelped in pain.

I laughed.

Eagle pulled his arm away.

"Sadist" He muttered.

I was 16. I had been at the SAS camp for two years. MI6 had put me there, so that I could stay in shape, and they could whisk me off for missions without me missing school.

Because they care SOOOOO much… I had thought sarcastically.

Fox came along to tutor me, in between missions.

K-Unit wasn't very happy, but over time, they grew used to me.

I think Fox and my file had something to do with it.

But I had no proof, and it changed for the better, so I wasn't angry.

Okay, so I was, but Fox denied all accusations, and I gave it up after a while.

I wondered why the sarge wanted us in his office.

Then, a thought struck me.

"Eagle, what day is it?" I asked.

"March 31st, why?"

Snake, Wolf and Fox joined us.

"Hey, Cub, why do you look like someone made you swallow a grenade?" Snake asked.

"Because, We're getting babysitting duty this year."

They stared at me.

"Tomorrow is April 1st."

"Oh." Snake started.

"God." Fox supplied.

"NOOOO!!!!!" Wolf and Eagle screamed.

Every year, a school group came to the SAS camp to see what life was like there.

They trained.

They complained.

They were a bunch of arses.

And now, it was time again for it.

They came on April 1st.

We ran the rest of the way to the Sergeant's office.

"K-Unit!" He yelled.

We stood at attention until he told us to have a seat.

We looked at each other.

A seat? That was bad news….

SAS soldiers were never offered a seat.

"You have been chosen to be in charge of the school group." He told us.

We didn't react.

We had done that outside.

The sarge stared at us and raised his eyebrows.

"Cub guessed" Wolf supplied.

"Ah." The sergeant said. "You have the rest of the day off. You are to report here at 0700 tomorrow for briefing."

"Yes, Sir!" We said as one.

He motioned to us to get out.

Once we were outside we headed for the shooting range.

That always relaxed us for some reason.

K-Unit had been appalled when they learned how well Scorpia taught me how to shoot, but they grew used to me upstaging them in the art of shooting.

Eagle however, still clung to the hope that one day, I would mess up and not hit the bull's eye, or even close to the bull's eye. That day would never come.

After a few rounds we were relaxed enough to leave.

Back at the hut, we started discussing what we would do with the little kiddies.

"They won't be able to keep up, I say we take it easy on them, I mean how many 15 or 16 year olds can keep up with us???" Eagle said. Well, actually, he nearly shouted it.

I coughed.

Eagle looked at me. "Cub's the exception to the rule."

"Aren't I always?" I asked.

"Anyways," I continued. "Going easy on kids is not part of the SAS. They come here to see what it's like, I say we show them what it's like!!!"

"You have a point there, Cub." Wolf said.

"Don't I always???" I asked confidently.

The others exchanged looks.

"Wait," Wolf said. "I wasn't done. Since you came up with that wonderful idea, I think you should be in charge of this project."

Eagle snorted. "A kid in charge of kids! This I gotta see!"

"But-but… you're unit leader, you should be in charge!!!!" I shouted.

"And you're MI6, you should know how to be in charge." Wolf replied calmly.

"Fine. But I get to make the assignments, if I'm in charge." I said.

"Fine!" Snake said.

I smirked. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all…

* * *

....... And maybe MI6 cared about me...

In other words, it was bad.

We got the schedules, and it was agreed that Wolf would introduce himself as unit leader,

But I would be introduced as the leader of the "dirty nose-picking kiddies."

When the bus rolled by, and the driver shouted the kids to get out, I tensed.

I finally figured out what school it was.

It was Brookland.

The school I used to go to.....

And I would be in charge of the scum that filled it's halls...

Plus Tom.

I just hope they don't recognize me....

I thought...

Please...

God...

If you're up there..

PLEASE...

DON'T LET THEM RECOGNIZE ME!!!

Just then, Wolf started to speak.

" LISTEN UP KIDDOS. YOU WILL FOLLOW OUR RULES AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE SAY. FROM THIS MOMENT TILL THE MOMENT YOU LEAVE THE MEN STANDING UP HERE WILL BE GOD. BUT THE GOD WHO'LL ACTUALLY TALK TO YOU, WHO IS IN CHARGE OF YOU SNOT NOSED PUNKS IS STANDING RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

I stepped forward.

"All right, as you can see, I am young.... BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU WILL GET AWAY WITH SLACKING OFF!!!!!! YOU ARE HERE TO SEE HOW SAS SOLDIERS LIVE, SO DAMMIT YOU WILL LIVE LIKE SAS SOLDIERS!!! AT LEAST, YOUNG, STUPID, INEXPERIENCED SAS SOLDIERS! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled in the faces of the surprised students.

They muttered "yeahs...." so it was my cue to start shouting again.

"YOU WILL ANSWER TO ME WITH A YES, SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW I'LL TRY AGAIN, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR???"

"Yes, sir!" They shouted back.

"Good. Now it's a five mile walk to camp. SO START RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

No one started.

"If you do not start running in 5 seconds you will have no food or water for 2 days."

Everyone started running.

I quickly jogged up to where Wolf was jogging.

"Just my luck." I muttered to him.

"What do you mean, just your luck??? I mean, we're all upset, but look at it this way, it's not like it's your old school!" Eagle piped in.

I glared at them.

"Oh, it is isn't it." Wolf deduced.

"Yup."

"Poor you Cub, pooooor you." With that Eagle ran back to yell at a girl who had started walking.

I sighed and ran forward to the front, to continue yelling at the kids.

Week long field trip my ass.

They wanted SAS life, I'd give it to them.

But I'll have to be careful.

I have to keep my secret.

**AN: There, told you it was original!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sooo.... Anyhoo... I'd appreciate it if people reviewed, and told me what you thought.... Tom will come into the story in a little while, and the poor kiddies will face the tortures of SAS life... Of course.. They won't if no one reviews...SOOOOOOO REVIEW!!!!!!!!! Please??? I'm begging!!!!!!**

**Still begging for reviews,  
**

**Marie  
**


	2. Is that? No, it can’t be!

**AN: sorry for the slow update…. I was camping and had no Internebutt access… I was dying, but at least… okay, there's no bright side to no Internet, but at least I'm updating!!!! I'm trying to make this chapter a little more detailed, but I'm not a very detailed person, so…. Just…. BE NICE!!!!! Okay??? Anyways, here it is:**

**Disclaimer: I own Alex Rider…… Oh, come on!!! Please??? I want something!!! Can I have him on weekends??? Please!! Fine. On…. 11pm to 12am on Saturdays!! Come on!!! *Sigh* Guess I just don't own Alex Rider…**

**Unrecognizable**

**Chapter 2: Is that??? No, it can't be!!**

Alex's POV

Ugh…. Terrific.

With my luck, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but for some reason, I never suspect the worst to happen…

I was wrenched out of my thoughts by talking.

"Hmmm…. That guy in charge is kinda cute….." I heard Samantha Walkins, a popular girl say.

"Are you kidding me? The guy in charge is not cute, he's HOT!!!!!" Lily Reliner, also a popular girl said.

She blushed when I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.

I saw Tom out of the corner of my eye staring at me as he jogged along.

He obviously had figured out it was me, but I wasn't sure what the constant staring was for.

He knew it was me…

So what was the bloody hell was the staring for?

I quickly pushed the thought to he back of my mind to be examined at a later time.

There was a problem at hand that required my full attention.

How to avoid being recognized by the people I had spent half of my life with.

The half of my life that wasn't spent dodging bullets and being tied to a chair while insane people dictated just how they were going to take over the world/ kill a bunch of people.

It wouldn't be too hard, I just had to avoid knowing something I couldn't possible know…

Like I couldn't call any of the kids by their names…

Then, something hit me.

I didn't really HAVE to hide my identity.

I wouldn't give it up, but if they found out, I could just say:

"Yes, it's me. Alex Rider."

They would assume something, and I would be let off scotch free….

But, that won't happen, because they won't find out.

I was determined.

I snapped out of my thoughts, and waved to K-Unit

They gathered around me.

"We are going to mysteriously disappear." I told them.

I saw Eagle rubbing his hands together evilly.

"We are going to just blend into the forest, one by one. First, Wolf. Then Eagle, Then Fox, Snake. And last, me."

We quickly caught up to the group of idiots also known as my former classmates.

Then, Wolf disappeared.

The plan continued until finally I quickly went into the forest.

I quickly ran to the rendezvous point, a rock referred to as the Bootlace rock.

It was a long story.

One starting with an SAS soldier, and ending with the same soldier getting tied to the rock with his bootlaces by his unit. (Lol… I had fun coming up with that line… I might just write a fanfic about it… hmm…)

We met up there, and Eagle said "Can we look at how the little kiddies are holding up?" while grinning like a mad idiot.

"You can." I answered while I was thinking hard.

"Buuut…. I think I'll get the next "fun" activity ready for them…." I continued.

"Which is…" Fox prompted.

"Tell you, Wolf, and Snake on the way." I turned to leave.

"Wait!!" Eagle cried out quickly running after me. "Where is the fun activity going to be located??" He asked.

"Forest South (I couldn't think of a good name)" I answered managing not to laugh when Eagle screwed up his face trying to figure out what the heck I was planning….

"Let's go." Wolf said.

Wolf, Snake, Fox and I quickly started running toward the camp.

"We're going to Storage Shed B. We need to get some equipment…." I said while we were running.

It was time to make the snot-kids pay….. SAS style.

* * *

Richard Dike POV **(Random guy who I made up… He's a kid… and umm… well… Idk… I wanted there to be a kid POV and he was born. This is set on the bus and afterwards…..)**

This SAS camp is going to be awesome.

I'm gonna be even better than the actual SAS men.

As I got out of the bus, the SAS man introduced himself as Wolf, and then introduced the guy who would be in charge.

He was so young! Like only a few years older than me.

How the bloody hell did he get into the SAS???

Yet, he reminded me of somebody…

Someone….

But who???

Hmm….

Could it be my Cousin Gary?

Nah, Cousin Gary looks nothing like that dude.

Then, when he started to speak, I figured out who he reminded me of.

The Druggie!!! From two years ago!!!!!

What was his name again…. Umm…. Oh yeah, Alex….. Rally??? No.

Alex.… RIDER!!!! That was it, Alex Rider!!!!

I resolved that when I had the opportunity, I would asks the guy in charge if he was related to Druggie.

**Alex's POV**

We took all the supplies out in wheelbarrows.

The little kiddies had no idea what was in for them.

As I wheeled the last full wheelbarrow out,

I thought about how I had been referring to the school-kids as well, kids.

I was the same age as them.

So why did I feel all elderly?

The answer came to me easily.

I had seen too many things.

Watched too many things.

Lived through too many things.

I had seen things no adult, let alone 14 year old should see.

I had been places people would only go to in their wildest nightmares.

And I had matured too much to be a school-kid.

I had been accepted in the SAS camp because I had lived through more than what they had lived through.

Most of them anyways…

"Cub!!! Cub!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!" Roared Eagle as he charged down the slope leading to the South Forest.

"It's SO funny!!!! They were stumbling around going 'Where do we go??? Where do we go??? HAHAHA!!!!" Then, Eagle saw the supplies in front of him, and he stopped.

"Really?" He asked with a face alight with excitement that should've looked odd on a SAS soldier, but it didn't on Eagle.

"Really." Answered Snake and Fox.

"Where are the snot-nosed?" I asked.

"Oh, that's the funny part!!! They all stopped in the middle of the forest and said "We can't wander around, we should wait for them to come to us!!!" Eagle replied.

"Are those kids stupid enough not to notice the trail???!!!!!!" Wolf thundered.

"Hmm…. Well, my classmates weren't exactly shining examples of child prodigies, so probably!!" I answered with a grim face shaking my head in mock disappointment.

Snake, Fox, Eagle and Wolf roared with laughter.

"OOOH!!!!! CUB!!! CAN WE SCARE THE LITTLE KIDDIES!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! PLEEEEASSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Eagle pleaded going on his knees and clasping his hand in front of me.

"Of course! What would babysitting duty be if we couldn't scare the kiddies!!" I answered with enthusiasm.

So we set off into the forest where we had dropped off the kiddies.

They were all sitting down, facing forward, where they SHOULD HAVE been walking!!

"Hope you all ENJOYED YOUR NAP!!!!!!!" I yelled at them.

"We-we-we-we…." Started a boy named David.

"We didn't see you anywhere!" A boy named Richard said.

"Hmmm… That was because we didn't want you to see us!!!" Eagle yelled in his face.

"Now kiddies, I better see you jogging toward camp, because we just have the most delightful activities planned!!!!!" I said nicely.

"Really?" Samantha asked.

"OF COURSE NOT!!! THIS IS THE SAS NOT BAND CAMP!!!!" Wolf yelled.

The kiddies backed away from him and started running toward camp.

Smart kiddies.

Wolf and I slipped away as Eagle yelled at the kiddies to move their butts.

We jogged to the forest and sat down.

We waited a few minutes in silence until Eagle pushed all of the snot-nosed kiddies toward us.

He had vomit on his shirt.

"Uhh… Wolf, can I go clean up???" He said calmly… too calmly…

"SURE!!! GO!!!!!!" Wolf and I yelled. A calm Eagle was NEVER a good sign.

He ran off toward the showers. Very, very quickly….

I noticed Fox and Snake in the background laughing their butts off.

Then, I stood up and motioned to the supplies in front of me.

"Usually, you would have shooting practice. We're playing paintball. K-Unit vs. All of you." I said.

The boys smirked. Obviously thinking about how there was strength in numbers.

Ordinarily Yes. I thought. But not this time.

**AN: DONE!!!! Thanks for reading!!! You know... nice people review... ARE YOU A NICE PERSON!!!!!???? **

**(PS: I know a lot of you are nice people, but you won't review... but I REALLY want reviews... My friends and I are having a contest... so... PLEASE REVIEW!!!)**

**Begging for reviews,**

**Marie  
**


	3. Attack of the Big Army Men

**AN: Thanks so much you guys! I won the contest for the reviews, and 100 bucks! So, since I owe you guys so much, I'm going to try to make this chapter as long as I can get it, and as grammatically correct as I can stand (I don't like grammar, if you haven't noticed…) So without further ado…. Here is… the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Alex Rider I would…. Sigh No need to daydream. Because I don't own Alex Rider.**

**Chapter 3**

**Attack of the Big Army Men**

Last chapter…

"Usually, you would have shooting practice. We're playing paintball. K-Unit vs. All of you." I said.

The boys smirked. Obviously thinking about how there was strength in numbers.

Ordinarily Yes. I thought. But not this time.

**Alex's POV**

I started to explain the rules.

"LISTEN UP!" I yelled to quiet down the excited kiddies. "As you have probably guessed by now, unless you are incredibly dull, all of you, will be going against us. K-Unit. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Some of the more enthusiastic boys shouted back.

Normally, I would've yelled at them, but I wanted to start this activity as soon as possible…

"K-Unit's paint color will be black, and yours will be pink! Is that clear?" I yelled.

This time, the enthusiastic boys were complaining, while the enthusiastic girls shouted "CRYSTAL SIR!"

"When you are "dead" you will lay down on the floor until the whistle sounds. If you are hit in the chest, you are "dead". If you are hit in the leg, or the arm, you are not "dead", but cannot use that part of your body. If you are hit twice in the arm or leg, you are "dead". It does not have to be the same arm or leg. If you are "dead", you may not move, unless it is a life or death situation, you may not speak, or make any sounds to alert other people to presences of If you are found cheating, you will be punished. Clear?" **(1)**

"Yes, sir!" Some of the kiddies shouted.

Eagle came back at that moment, with a fresh shirt on, and glared at a slightly pale green boy named James.

I did _**NOT **_want to be James during the paintballing.

After I explained how the guns worked, and instructed them on safety, (ie: "Don't shoot people's heads. Their guts however, are fair game.") And how to put on the protective suits, I set a timer for five minutes, and set it next to the loudspeaker. When it went off, the paintballing would begin.

After the kiddies went to go hide in the forest, K-Unit and I discussed strategy.

"Cub, you hide in trees in the center of the forest. Snake and Eagle, you hide in bushes on the west and east sides. Fox and I will patrol in hiding the north and south sides." Wolf ordered.

K-Unit and I nodded.

This was going to be fun.

It wasn't everyday that we could beat a group of annoying school kids.

Eagle, especially was excited.

It was obvious to everyone that he would get revenge on James, and the disgusting thing James did to him.

We quickly ran to our spots.

I hid in the perfect tree.

Dense, but with bare spots that I could shoot through.

I found a fork in the branches and quickly scurried up there, and loaded my gun.

The alarm sounded out through the forest, and I instantly shot down a few kids who were under me.

They looked around, but couldn't find who shot them, so like the scared-of-the-big-scary-SAS-men kids they were, they lay down.

Some of them started to snore.

Then, some more kids went by, and I shot them in the chest. Then, some more. Then, even more. Then, finally, at the end of the hour we had to play, the second alarm sounded, and we all went back to gather at the place where we started.

I looked at all the people gathered.

It looked like everyone was here.

"All right. Now wasn't that fun?" I asked a bit patronizingly.

Eagle shouted "YEAH!" And then, "Oh, you were talking to the kids…"

None of the kids seemed very enthusiastic…

"Hmm... Just out of curiosity, those people who were shot by K-Unit, stand." I ordered.

It looked like all of them stood.

"Okay, different approach, those of you who were NOT shot by K-Unit, please stand." I ordered.

Only Tom stood.

He glanced at me.

"All right, boy, tell us how you survived." I demanded.

"I just hid in a tree. No K-Unit man came by, so I didn't get to shoot anyone, but I survived…" Tom explained.

I nodded, and he sat back down.

"What the boy just said was smart. Not admirable, but smart. It would be better to live to fight another day than to die in a stupid battle, that you can't possibly win." Wolf said.

I nodded, and told the kiddies that they were dismissed for lunch.

I told them to find the lunch hut on their own.

Then, I called out "Boy who didn't get shot, stay."

K-Unit looked at me.

I quickly told them "He knew about me, and what I did."

Their eyes widened.

They knew there were less then five people alive who knew what I did, but weren't _involved _in what I did.

"Hey Tom." I greeted him with a smirk.

"So it is you!" His dark eyes were accusing.

"Uh… Yeah, didn't you realize that before?" I asked.

K-Unit was watching us banter like a tennis match, eyes flicking from one end to the other.

"You just disappeared. Like on a mission. No one knew where you went. I called you, and then went to your house, only to find out that it was empty! Nothing in there! I lived two fucking years thinking that my best mate died being a spy!" Tom folded his arms.

"I couldn't tell you or call you. It would've put you in danger." I folded my arms too.

I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine.

His eyes were shielded, but it was easy to see how hurt he was.

Like he said, he had lived two years without any news, thinking that I, his best mate was dead, and the house I had lived in was completely empty.

"Now tell me the real reason you didn't call." Tom demanded.

"I didn't want you getting mixed up in anything. MI6 would've sent you here, and you would've been forced to live a terrible, terrible life." I told him.

His eyebrows furrowed together.

"You mean, for once, YOU LISTENED TO MI6??" Tom asked bursting into laughter.

I sighed, thanking God he hadn't made things too hard.

Then, I smirked. Realizing the funny side of things.

"Yeah, I guess I did… Wow, creepy huh?" I let out a snort of laughter, and then continued "Anyways, you'd better go to the lunch hut to eat, you'll need it. And no, I'm not going to go easy on you because you are my mate, you will be treated just like all the other snot-nosed kiddies."

Tom waved, and then ran along to the hut. He had obviously paid attention to where the other kiddies had gone.

* * *

Later that day, we tortured the kiddies with: sit-ups, push-ups, swimming across the lake a few times, and, best of all, we told them that the SAS had thrown all their belongings in the trash. Well, Eagle did. But we all got a laugh out of it.

Then, we told them to go to sleep.

Little did they know they would be woken up earlier in the morning then they had probably ever gotten up before.

* * *

**Richard Dike POV (2)**

Ow! All my muscles are burning!

I bet the SAS men didn't have to do sit-ups and push-ups!

They just took it out on us poor kids!

And the food!

I thought they were joking!

It wasn't food!

It was slop!

No, worse than slop!

It was… moldy old garbage that hadn't been washed in weeks! **(3)**

And then, they lied to us!

Our stuff wasn't thrown away!

And worst of all, my cell phone doesn't have service here!

How the hell am I supposed to say goodnight to my mommy if my cell phone doesn't have service?

The bathrooms were terrible!

They were dirty, and slimy, and a mosquito was in one of the stalls!

As I was walking back to the sleeping huts, I overheard a conversation.

"So, what are you gonna say if they find out, Cub?" A voice asked.

"I don't know, but they won't find out. Not if I can help it." Another voice replied, the one, with my excellent spy work, I recognized as Cub's. "They can hardly accuse me of it, and well, if they do, I'll act all innocent, it won't work as well as it would on an adult, but oh well, now GO TO SLEEP EAGLE."

AHA! So it was Eagle who was talking with Cub!

I knew it!

And Cub was guilty of a terrible crime!

I would tell my friend James in the morning!

I went back to sleep, and then was woken up to a terrible, terrible sound!

"WAKE UP KIDDIES! IT'S TIME FOR LITTLE STUPID KIDDIES TO GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!" Eagle shouted bouncing in the room with a gleeful smile on his face.

Almost as if he _liked _causing us misfortune!

I put the thought out of my mind as I got ready for another day full of illegal torture.

* * *

**(1): Sorry if that's a bit confusing, but that's the way my friends and I play when we go paintballing if we feel like a challenge, and SAS camp is nothing but challenging!**

**(2): I hate this guy, but it's oddly entertaining to write in a whiny kid's POV… What can I say, I'm odd that way!**

**(3): My friend once said this and we all stared at her for a few moments before we cracked up. I thought it would be funny to put it in.**

**Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! I know it was a bit short, but I wanted to wait until the next chapter to put in… Hey, I'm not supposed to tell you that! Anyways, I updated! Isn't that what counts! And for all my hard work, I think I deserve some reviews. Hint Hint.**

**Begging for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	4. You Did A Terrible Crime!

**AN: Hello everybody, and welcome to the fourth chapter of Unrecognizable (cue applause) For our first act, I'd like to thank everyone for the great reviews! This story has gotten more reviews than any of my other ones! YAY! For our second act, the disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: Alex Rider belongs to me!!! ME I TELL YOU! And if Anthony Horowitz visited this mental asylum, I would tell him off! **

**Chapter Four**

**You did a Terrible Crime!**

**Alex's POV**

That night was terrible.

All of the repressed memories came flooding back to me.

_I was in a dark, dark room. It was more like a cell than a room actually. _

_A voice tormented me. "Tell us where the bomb is, or do you want your friend to die?"_

_Red blood, dripping on the floor, agonizing screams "DON'T TELL THEM!! Don't tell them! Don't… tell… them…"_

_Red blood. Such, red, red… blood._

_Scarlet against the dark floor._

_Blood. So much blood…_

"_NOOO ALEX!!!"_

I was jerked awake by Eagle.

"We need to wake up the snots!" He screamed. "And since you're in command, you get to decide where we go!"

Hmm… Where should Eagle go???

Then, an idea struck me.

"Eagle, you cover all the snots' cabins. We're going to set up." I gestured to Wolf, Fox, Snake and I.

"All righty!" Eagle said, and then ran out the door, cheerful at the prospect of torturing some kiddies.

"Why'd you do that Cub?" Wolf demanded. "I wanted to torture some snots!"

"Because," I smirked. "The snots won't take to kindly to being woken up in the early hours. And I think Eagle has the best chance of setting them off. And who knows? Maybe they'll act out of line, and they just _might _get punishments for the rest of their stay."

"Cub, never let me forget that you have the potential to be an evil criminal mastermind." Snake said, with a serious face.

"I'll remind you constantly." I promised.

Fox erupted in laughter.

We stared at him.

"I was just thinking, in the middle of the day, in front of everyone, Cub should remind him!" He erupted into laughter once more.

Snake sighed. "I'll call the men in white jackets." He said wearily.

Then, Wolf yelled at everyone, and we got up and went to the lake.

After a few minutes, Eagle joined us, complaining that we could've had the decency to tell him where we were going.

We waited, and waited, for two hours.

Then, finally, the snots came.

"Is everyone here?" I asked kindly, after nearly all of them trickled over to us.

"Good." I took a deep breath. "FIRST I'D LIKE TO ASK WHY THE HELL YOU FELT YOU HAD THE RIGHT TO SLEEP IN TWO FUCKING HOURS LATE! YOU ARE IN SAS CAMP! WE GET UP WHEN WE ARE WOKEN UP! AM I BEING CLEAR?"

A few people mumbled "yeah", and one particularly audacious kid felt the right to say "Oh, shut up!"

I nodded at Wolf.

"ALL RIGHT KIDDIES! LISTEN UP! YOU WILL ANSWER TO US WITH A YES, SIR! AND BECAUSE OF THAT ONE PERSON WHO SAID OH SHUT UP, YOU WILL ALL BE DOING A NICE LITTLE TEN MILE HIKE!" He yelled.

Complaints spilt out all over.

"I'm terribly sorry for what Wolf said." I said, stepping forward. "He was supposed to tell you, that if you complained, you would go on a 15 mile hike! And I would say, you just complained."

They kept complaining until Wolf threatened to raise it to a 50 mile hike. Which I was sure he would actually do.

We gave them a few rations, namely caffeine pills, and a bit of mint, as a joke. It would actually dehydrate them. But, at least they would have nice-smelling breath!

We formed them into teams and warned them that if they left a team member behind, they would regret it for the rest of their miserable lives…

Of course, Wolf said that.

I would've said something much more blasé and frightening.

After all, what good are kiddies if they aren't scared to death?

We kept watch on them.

But then, we waited, and waited, and then, we finally decided to check on them when the sun started to set.

We found them at the very beginning of the trail, barely two miles in.

And they were complaining.

Not just the girly girls, and the fat boys.

Every single person was complaining about child abuse and the likes.

"They can't do this to us!" "My daddy will sue them for all they're worth!" "EEEK! I BROKE A NAIL!"

Beside me, Wolf muttered "I'll break a lot more than her nail if she keeps screaming like that…"

I stifled a chuckle.

Then, beside me, Eagle started talking. "Can we pleaaseee scare the kiddies, just a little bit? Please?" He begged.

"What good is a little bit? If we're going to scare them, let's scare them to DEATH!" I answered with enthusiasm.

"I agree with Cub. Dead kiddies are preferable to scared kiddies." Wolf said also enthusiastically. Well, enthusiastically for him…

We agreed on the plan, and started "Operation Scare Snots/Kiddies To Death, Because They Are Wimps and Nothing Like The Almighty Cub" The name was Eagle's idea. Although the last part was only added on after I reminded Snake of how I had the potential to be an evil criminal mastermind. Eagle heard the veiled threat, and changed the name.

We crept out, and grabbed a crossbow usually used for tranquilizers.

I positioned myself, and aimed.

At the same time, Eagle prepared the trumpet (He had to assure us that he took band in high school. We didn't have anyone else so he had to do).

As soon as I shot the tranq with the note inside it, Eagle blew the trumpet as hard as he could.

The sound was terrible.

Like a billion elephants were being tortured, make that a trillion.

All of the snots jumped, and one, a boy named James, (the same one who vomited on Eagle) jumped almost five feet into the air!

The note-bearing tranq buried itself into the trunk of the tree.

A boy named Zach saw it, and pulled it out.

He got the note out, and read it.

K-Unit and I savored the horrified expression on his face.

"G-g-guys" He stammered out. "I think you should read this."

Zach's team crowded around him to read it.

They paled, and passed it on to another team.

The process continued until everybody had read the note.

It contained something of this sort:

_Hey snots/kiddies/idiots,_

_We in K-Unit believe that we had ordered you to go through a 15-mile hike. We are allowed to punish you, and we're not sure what do with you… Maybe 10,000 sit-ups, or maybe, as Wolf wants, we'll have you go mountain climbing. On Mt. Everest. With no food. Well, that might take more than a week, but I'm sure we can get your parents to agree that you need disciplining. SO GET MOVING!!!!!!!_

_Always watching,_

_K-Unit._

We had a good chuckle at the horrified, scared-to-death faces of the snots.

Then, we went to go set some booby traps.

Those kiddies would regret the day they were born…

Just like their parent's did.

We set some pressurized smoke mines, fake bloody corpses (that screamed), and trip-wire BB guns.

We set a few unarmed trip wires, and a few trip wires that made them fall into mud pits.

After that, we waited… and laughed our butts off.

Fox had set video cameras, so we wouldn't miss anything.

I had no idea that the kids could trip without trip wire!

And when there was tripwire… they took the whole team down with them! Ha!

And the BB guns…Ah… the BB guns. So beautiful I nearly cried.

What a wonderful, wonderful day.

* * *

**Richard Dike's POV (1)**

WHAT A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DAY!

First, those no good SAS men _yelled _at us, then, they made us go on a fifteen-mile hike!

It was more than fifteen miles!

We walked at _least _twenty before we stopped to rest!

And then, they sent us a horrible note, _blackmailing us!_

I refused to walk in such terrible conditions, but my terrible team, they dragged me along!

And who got hit by the BB gun? I DID!

Who was tripped by the trip wire? I WAS

I swear, those SAS men HATE me!

They are evil!

Pure evil!

I was snapped out of my thoughts by another trip wire.

I swore, and kept going.

Heroically.

I barely even complained!

Finally, when dusk set, we made up camp, and ate some mint leaves.

Then, we got REALLY thirsty, so we drank some river water.

I threw up…

The next morning, we kept going, and _finally _reached our destination when the sun started to set.

Our group, for some reason, was last.

I bet the SAS only gave _us _the booby traps….

We got punishment duty, and had to wash the dishes.

Not very fun.

Of course, the evil SAS men wanted to do something more terrible to us, but then we kicked up such a fuss, that they just let us off "easy". Those dishes were _hard _to clean!

After dinner, we were herded to the South Forest again.

When we got there, I breathed in and out.

This was it.

This was when I would confront Cub about his disastrous crime.

And he would own up to it…

* * *

Alex's POV

We herded the snots to the South Forest, and right before we started introducing the next torturous "activity" a boy named Richard ran up, and shouted "CUB HERE HAS COMMITTED A TERRIBLE CRIME!"

K-Unit looked at me questioningly.

I shrugged; having no idea what the boy was going on about.

"HE COMMITTED SUICIDE!" Richard paused, waiting for the shocked gasps he was so obviously waiting for.

Instead, he got laughter.

It wasn't often you would see SAS soldiers on the floor, laughing their butts off (not including Eagle), but we were.

Many of the kids laughed too.

After a few minutes, we quieted down, and I asked Richard "How the bloody hell did I commit suicide, if I'm still alive?"

He didn't have an answer.

Wolf growled. "Report to this place at ten o'clock tonight. We will give you your punishment then." He then pushed Richard out of our way, and we had the kiddies do push-ups, sit-ups, and twenty minutes of jumping jacks.

We had a different torture in mind, but we decided that it would take too long, and we were put in a happy mood at the thought of being able to torture a kid without group limitations.

I didn't think I would ever say this about babysitting school-kids, but, (once you tortured them) it really wasn't that bad.

* * *

**(1): Look, people, I know you want to punch him. But I have something planned for him, so don't worry… And the planned thing will NOT be pleasant!**

**Yay! Richard gets tortured! Yay!!! I'm happy, as you can see. You know what will make me even more happy? If everyone who read this reviewed. Yup. That would make me very happy :) So… review! And yes, I am shamelessly begging.  
**

**Begging (as always) for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	5. The Name's Rider… Alex Rider…

**AN: Wow, I can't believe how great you guys are!!!!! I got so many reviews!! I tried to get my friends into another review contest, but then they said that they refused to give up another fifty dollars… :( Anyhoo… Here's the disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: Guys, seriously… This is worse than Scorpia torture… Fine. Let's get it over with… I… don't… own… Alex Rider… Happy?**

**And… HERE IS CHAPTER… one… two… three…four… FIVE!**

**Chapter 5**

**The Name's Rider… Alex Rider…**

**Alex's POV**

We were all in a bad mood…

So, we decided to torture "Mr. Oh-My-God-You-Committed-Suicide" in the evilest way possible…

The assault course.

This was going to be good.

No, better than good.

This would be heaven.

* * *

**Richard's POV**

The big scary SAS men made me go over the assault course!

They told me, that if I didn't they'd make me go without food for the rest of my stay!

I couldn't go the remaining four days without food! **(1)**

I was barely getting by without my midnight snack!

I NEED CHOCOLATE! **(2)**

Anyways, I did the terrible, torturous, assault course.

I actually did really well.

And by really well, I mean really, really, REALLY well!

I got a great time of thirty-five minutes!

I bet the SAS men couldn't have done any better!

But, after it, I was wheezing, and I swear, I just developed asthma.

And the evil SAS men made me do it again!

I got forty-five minutes the second time.

But I bet they couldn't have done much better!

I was TIRED.

I nearly fell on the floor and fainted!

But of course, I was too manly for that!

So I heroically kept standing up!

And the mean SAS men kept laughing at me.

They all kept staring at the Cub guy, and then at me!

Why?

I mean, I know I am very good looking, and Cub just looked… ew…

But still, that was no reason to stare!

Finally, they let me go back to my hut…

And they said I should be thankful that the punishment wasn't worse!

How much worse could my punishment be!?

I stumbled and limped back to the hut.

My classmates crowded around me, and asked.

"How was it?" "Was it hard?" "Are you hurt?"

I told them all about the evil torture.

They gasped in awe when I told them how good of a time I had.

All except one person.

The Tom kid.

I never liked him.

He hung out with the wrong people.

Fist the Druggie, Rider.

Then, a new kid came, and he made friends with him.

Everyone knows that new kids aren't cool. **(3)**

Maybe in a year or so, but definitely not when they were new…

And then, he talked with the evil SAS men.

So, yeah, Tom, not cool.

Anyways, Tom wasn't staring at me in awe.

He was smirking like something was funny.

No, he was smirking like _I _was funny.

And not in a "Oh, Richard, You're SOOO funny!" kind of way.

It was like he was laughing _at _me.

Anyways, I didn't pay attention to Tom, because he's weird, and because Jessica sat on my lap and started flirting with me.

Jessica was HOT.

After a while, Jessica started snogging me.

It was nice.

And then, IT happened.

* * *

**Tom's POV (4)**

Richard was so stupid.

Usually, it made me mad, but today, I nearly burst out laughing.

I knew where I would find Alex.

I would find him at the assault course, lying on the ground laughing his head off, along with the rest of K-Unit.

I quickly sneaked off, and ran to the assault course.

I had seen it from the tree I was in during the paintball fight.

I quickly sprinted there, and found K-Unit as a whole lying on the ground, cracking up.

I jogged over to them and said "Cub, do you and K-Unit want to embarrass Richard?"

They stood up, and asked how.

I answered, "Follow me, I'll explain on the way."

I told them my plan as we jogged to the hut where we slept.

Then, I slipped inside, and watched the show.

"HEY, YOU!" Wolf yelled, charging through the door and pointing at Richard, who was currently snogging Jessica in a…compromising position…

"NO SNOGGING ON SAS GROUNDS!" Eagle yelled.

"You just bought yourself another torture, and the girl, you bought yourself a round of torturing as well." Snake calmly said.

"Let's see if this time, you can beat your pitiful score of thirty-five minutes." Alex said.

"But-but-but thirty-five minutes is a good score!" Richard protested weakly.

"Ha! If we did thirty-five minutes, we would be kicked out of the SAS!" Fox yelled.

"But, you guys are trained!" Richard kept protesting stupidly…

"The first time Cub did the course, he was fourteen, and his time was seventeen minutes!" Wolf yelled in Richard's face.

Wolf casually didn't say the fact that Alex only got that time after a few tries, and that his uncle trained him his whole life for being a spy.

"WHAT?" Richard exclaimed, looking very surprised.

"It's true." Fox backed Alex up.

"Yeah, he kicked ass!" Eagle exclaimed. And after a glare from Alex said quickly "And he still does."

I started laughing, as Richard stuttered, trying to think of a comeback.

He looked so ridiculous!

Many other people laughed too.

The ones that didn't like Richard.

There were a lot of people who didn't like him.

He wasn't exactly the Pope.

Heck, if he was the Pope, Wolf was… I don't know, a banker?

But none of us knew what Richard was thinking…

He wanted revenge…

And he was going to stupidly take revenge on the SAS men, instead of us for laughing.

The big, armed, dangerous, SAS men.

The men who killed for a job.

And also the men who I would avoid as much as possible.

Richard was planning something that would not only be stupid, it would make sure that this "week long field trip" would be a long week in hell.

* * *

**Richard's POV**

Ugh.

Those SAS men are so mean!

They obviously lied about Cub doing the assault course when he was fourteen!

He would've been in school!

And they made my classmates laugh at me!

I knew I would have to get my revenge…

In a great form!

That night, I woke up, James, and Jessica, and we silently crept over to K-Unit's cabin.

One thing that we weren't counting on was that they would be awake.

We had to listen to them for a while.

"So, how much fun was that?" A voice asked.

"The best fun I had in a very long time." Another voice replied.

"More fun than that night in Indonesia?" A different voice asked.

"If might surprise you, but I'd have to say yes. Definitely." The second voice answered.

"I'd have to agree!" Another voice exclaimed.

Many voices laughed.

"I can still hear it now, 'WHAT?' I laughed so badly!" The first voice laughed.

A voice spoke up. "Thanks for being such a person of interest, Cub!"

"No problem! It's in my veins!" A voice said.

They kept talking and talking, and I got so tired of holding the whipped cream, cucumbers, alarm clocks, and electrifying wires.

I snogged Jessica for a while, to pass the time.

James fell asleep and we had to wake him up.

We waited, and waited.

Then waited some more.

And all the while the boring SAS men were talking, and talking, and talking.

I nearly fell asleep!

* * *

**Alex's POV**

K-Unit and I stayed up late into the night, laughing at Richard's expense.

After we grew bored of laughing at a stupid boy, we chatted about random things.

About Wolf's fiancée, and the wonderful way she cooked.

About Eagle, and how the men in white coats should be on permanent standby ("HEY! I AM NOT CRAZY! I JUST…LIKE TO BE INSANE!").

And whenever the subject turned onto me,

I did my best to try to turn it back again.

I had shared a few things, but some things were still personal.

And somehow, they (minus Eagle) respected that.

I think they just didn't want me going all 'mini ninja' on their asses.

"Hey, Cub, are you like James Bond?" Eagle asked enthusiastically.

I raised a single eyebrow. "Well, I do work for MI6, I do go undercover, and I am incredibly sexy, so I'd say yes."

"Do an impression!" Eagle begged eagerly.

"Okay?" I said.

I dropped to one knee and imitated a gun with my hands.

"The name's Cub. Agent Cub."

"Noooo! You have to do it with your name! Or else it's not good!" Eagle yelled.

I was beginning to think that the men in white coats weren't such a bad idea…

"Fine."

I dropped to one knee again.

"The name's…"

**Richard's POV**

"Rider. Alex Rider."

My jaw dropped.

It couldn't be.

**(1): Took me a heck of a long time to figure out when this was supposed to be taking place! This is the evening of the third day…**

**(2): Sorry about this, I had a bit of a craving while writing this chapter…**

**(3): I don't mean this, it's what Richard thinks. I personally think that new kids are awesome, because they're different, and sometimes… they give you chocolate!!! Wow, the craving is worse than I thought…**

**(4): Thought I'd give you a treat.**

**AN: Sorry it's so short! But I really wanted to end it there, and I couldn't think of a better ending. I'm going to update… probably on Sunday? And I promise that it will have the snots asking Alex what the bloody hell happened! I can't guarantee that he'll give an answer, but you will see a bit into what happened in the two years to change Alex. He changed twice. I'll give you that…**

**You know what this chapter deserves? A review. No, lots of reviews!!! Please? I want to get over the 100 mark. That's just three reviews! I don't care if it's a novel review, or a 5 word review! Just review, tell me your ideas, or something you didn't like, or liked, or SOMETHING! AND REVIEW!!!**

**Begging (CLEARLY) for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	6. I’m…Felix Lester

**AN: I LOVE YOU GUYS! You got me over the 100 review mark! I've never ever gotten this many reviews before, so I'm REALLY happy! :) YAY! Anyhoo, I know the cliffhanger was evil, but I wanted to publish it before we went camping, and I had to end it there.**

**Disclaimer: Do I look like a middle-aged British man to you? Wait… Don't answer that…**

**Chapter 6**

**I'm…Felix Lester

* * *

**

**Richard's POV**

It couldn't be.

Druggie?

I motioned to Jessica and James that we were leaving.

This sort of information was better than revenge.

And I would make sure to use it…

* * *

**Alex's POV**

After K-Unit stopped laughing, I heard sounds coming from right outside the hut.

I noticed three kids sneaking off.

One of them was a girl, and the other a boy.

I only identified Richard as one of the boys.

He stupidly turned around and stared.

I came to a realization.

They were probably here for revenge…

And they probably heard me reveal my secret.

The same secret I had worked very hard to keep.

And knowing Richard, he would probably confront me about it in the morning.

I glanced at my watch. It was around 0230.

Which meant, that I had about three hours to figure out an excuse for what they had heard.

"Guys, Richard heard." I told K-Unit with a grim face.

"Heard what?" Wolf asked.

"He heard everything I bet. He knows who I am." I answered.

Now, I had to figure out an excuse for what they heard.

I would've figured something out I was sure.

But then, all the stress from the past few days kicked in, and as I sat down on my bed to think, I fell asleep.

Even a very deep sleep could be penetrated by nightmares, I soon learned.

I was hit by images long forgotten. Things I would not permit myself to think about had I been awake.

But I was asleep. And so the nightmare bombarded me.

_Pain coursed through my body._

"_Tell us. Or you will have torture that people do not suffer even in the most fiery pits of Hell. Tell us, or you will never blink again without feeling pain. Pain beyond all imagination."_

"_Never." I croaked weakly._

"_All right, then we will inflict pain on someone else. Someone who we have here. I believe you know her…"_

_Red… Such red blood._

_And so much… So much red blood…_

_An ocean of red blood._

_Against the cold, dark, stone floor._

_So red…_

_A piercing scream._

I woke up with a small yell.

Eagle was right in front of me with his Eagle was right in front of me with his mouth open.

Apparently he was right about to wake me up, but then I woke up by myself.

"Aww…" Whined Eagle. "Cub, why'd you have to wake up so early?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I got up, got dressed, and visited the bathroom.

Just as I was walking back, I was intercepted by Snake.

"Cub! There you are! Apparently, the Sergeant wants us in his office. We'd better run." He said while glancing at his watch with a bitter face.

I was thinking while we ran.

Why would the Sergeant want us in his office? We hadn't done anything wrong, in fact, we've gone too easy on the little snots…

I was snapped out of my thoughts by our arrival at the Sergeant's office. It wasn't a big hut. It just contained his room, and an office. I had never seen the room, and probably would never do so. But it was common knowledge that there _was _a room behind the door that no one entered…

Snake and I ran in at the nick of time. A second after we came in, the Sergeant entered the room, and we snapped to attention.

"At ease K-Unit." The Sergeant said, so we relaxed. "I'm sorry to interrupt your babysitting, but MI6 have requested your expertise in a kidnapping and interrogation of a Scorpia agent. G-Unit will take over the school group."

If I hadn't been standing in front of the Sergeant, I would've let out a yell of happiness.

For once, MI6 had done something good for me.

But it couldn't have been a coincidence, as Blunt once said "Where other people see coincidence, I see conspiracy." It was a good motto for anyone in the spying business.

Somehow, MI6 must've found out that my cover had been compromised. And for once, they had something about it.

After the Sergeant told us that we would be leaving at 0800, we were dismissed, and we went to celebrate.

In other words, we all went to the kiddies huts to wake them.

I was so stupid. They were teenagers.

Teenagers with gossip material. There was nothing more dangerous…

Except for maybe a mad man with nothing to lose. That's pretty dangerous…

Anyways, the snots' hut was full of awake teenagers. And worse, they had all obviously been informed of what my name was.

"YOU'RE ALEX RIDER!" They yelled as one.

I saw Tom in the corner flinching. I winked at him. He looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

I had to admit, I sounded pretty confused…

"I HEARD YOU SAY YOU WERE 'RIDER, ALEX RIDER!" Richard yelled from the front of the crowd.

I started laughing. K-Unit followed my lead.

"Oh, that's an inside joke. Once for a mission, I had that name as a cover." I lied easily.

"Oh…" Said Richard, obviously he had thought that I would deny that he had heard it

"Then what's your real name?" Asked a nice girl named Angela.

"I'm…Felix Lester." I said. I really hadn't expected them to ask for my real name.

"But you look like Rider…" Said Zach. A boy I had never liked.

"You guys know a guy named Alex Rider?" Asked Wolf.

"We _knew._ He disappeared a while ago. But he always was doing that, just one day, he never came back…" One of my former friends named Austin said, a bit sadly.

"Well, my dad had a cousin named John Rider…" I shrugged.

"ANYWAY KIDDIES!" Eagle burst in. "K-UNIT WILL BE LEAVING, SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE STUCK WITH A DIFFERENT BORING UNIT! BON VOYAGE!" With that, we left.

* * *

We were back at the SAS camp. The kidnapping had taken a week, and the kiddies were gone.

Or so we thought.

We were walking back to the hut, when suddenly; I saw Tom, and a few other kids walking back to a hut.

We quickly asked S-Unit, who was passing by, what the hell "those bloody snotting immature school kids" (Wolf's wording, not mine.) were still doing here.

The answer: Apparently the stupid headmaster of the school had a heart attack, and the school just _couldn't _go on without him, so… the kids were staying here for a few more days.

To say that I was mad would be an understatement. To say that _Wolf _was mad would be a gross misunderstanding.

The Sergeant gave us the afternoon off to…get re-acquainted with Brecon Beacons… Really, I was pretty sure that he just wanted to make sure we didn't kill the snots. Not because he didn't want to… But probably because he didn't want us getting in a lot of trouble…

In the hut, Wolf, Eagle and I started ranting angrily, Snake just sat down and read a bloody thriller, the same one that he always read when he was angry, and Fox blared loud angry music from his ipod.

After a while, I realized that ranting would do us no good. We were SAS men, and we should act like it.

I said so to everyone, and they asked me if I had a better plan then ranting.

"We are highly trained in torture… And not just the traditional kind…" I said.

K-Unit quickly caught on, and I went to warn Tom, as K-Unit didn't want to cause malice to the person who had gotten Richard and Jessica in trouble.

We had told G-Unit to punish them, and we were sure that they had followed those orders. No one could be happy to baby-sit school kids…

I ran to the hut, and woke up Tom. I put a hand over his mouth so he wouldn't wake up with a scream.

As soon as he was awake, and noticed that I wasn't attacking him, he nodded, and I put my hand down.

I motioned to the door of the hut. He nodded, stood up, and quickly put on his uniform.

As soon as we were outside, he asked "Why'd you wake me up, Alex?"

I answered while walking back to K-Unit's hut "We're playing a prank, and we want you to be prepared. K-Unit likes you because you helped us get Richard and Jessica in trouble. So I went to wake you up, and you can help us play the prank." I explained what we wanted to do.

Tom chuckled, "That sounds good… Do you have a video camera? I'd like to get it on tape…"

I smiled. "Of course, how else do you think we enjoyed you tripping over booby traps on that fifteen mile hike?"

Tom sighed. "Are all SAS men as evil and sadistic as you and K-Unit are?"

"No." I said.

Tom sighed with relief.

"They're worse." I laughed at the look on Tom's face.

Then, we got to the hut.

Eagle jumped out. "Hey, it's Cub! And the kid who's evil! Nice to see you again! Actually, no it's not, because if you're here that means that there are other, less evil kiddies here… But you're my favorite teenager!" And after I glared at him, he said "Except for Cub of course…"

Then, Fox came out and asked us if we were going or not.

We quickly dragged the kids and their mattresses out to the lake.

Fox explained that Tom would have to wander to the lake, and look confused, because his excuse would be that he woke up, and needed to go the bathroom, and searched all over camp for his classmates, because he couldn't find them in the hut.

We quickly pushed the mattresses with the kids on them in the lake, and they floated.

Tom quickly walked to the bushes in the general direction of the snots' camp, and hid.

Wolf grinned evilly, and pressed the button on the air horn.

The kids jumped out of their sleep and fell into the lake.

K-Unit and I roared with laughter.

Then, Tom wandered in, and looked confused.

He saw his classmates and fell on the ground laughing.

The kids were annoying.

But, if you did the right things to them, you could enjoy having them around.

But I would have to be careful.

They came close to finding out my secret, and I couldn't afford them knowing…

* * *

**AN: Well, that was long… for me… Sorry I couldn't update sooner, but I went camping, and we had no internet access… :) Anyways, aren't you glad Alex lied!!?? I know, I know, you wanted the classmates to know his secret… But think about it, Alex would never go down without a fight! He wouldn't just admit his secret! And I like the whole "Felix Lester" thing! I'll make sure that they learn his secret soon… Promise!**

**And… This chapter deserves reviews! Hint. Hint. Really. Just review. Please?**

**Begging for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	7. No Shipping And Handling Costs

**AN: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU PEOPLE! You guys are the absolute best! And I'm sure that this chapter will get more reviews then the last… Hint hint… Anyhoo… Here's the Disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: Ah…Déjà vu! I'll say it another time… Pay close attention… I. Do. Not. Own. Alex. Rider. **

**Chapter 7**

**No Shipping And Handling Costs

* * *

**

**Alex's POV**

I nearly laughed myself to death when I saw James's face when he woke up, and fell off he mattress into the cold, dark lake.

"LISTEN UP SNOTS! WE DO NOT LIKE YOU! BUT WE WISH THE BEST FOR YOUR HEADMASTER! HE MUST BE A SAINT TO PUT UP WITH YOU!" Wolf yelled over a loudspeaker horn… thing **(1)**

Eagle ripped the loudspeaker horn out of Wolf's hands. "AND NOW YOU WILL ALL DO TEN LAPS IN THE LAKE! EXCEPT FOR THIS BOY WHO JUST CAME FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! HE GETS TO DO SIT-UPS!" Eagle motioned for Tom to lie down and start doing sit-ups.

Tom laid down, and did sit ups. He went parallel to the lake so he could watch it, and silently laughed at his classmates. The popular girls were desperately clinging to their mattresses, and screaming, along with some of the wimpy boys.

The sporty girls and the sporty boys shrugged off their surprise and started doing laps. They were done soon, and along with Tom (Eagle graciously only made him do one hundred sit-ups), they laughed at the kids who were still clinging to their mattresses.

Especially Richard. Who somehow, stayed asleep. **(2)**

K-Unit and I decided not to wake him, but leave him there for him to wake up himself. That way, he would wake up late, would get freaked out, and then he would get in trouble.

We had it all planned out…

After the last miserable, shivering wet kiddies got out of the pool ("IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT IN ONE MINUTE WE WILL PUT A LIGHTNING SHOCK IN THE POOL! AND YOU DO NOT GET TO GET OUT UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR TEN LAPS!"), we took them to the assault course, and let them loose.

All of them did better than Richard's time. Thirty-five minutes! Pathetic.

After the assault course, we told them that because Richard was about to get in trouble, we were in a good mood, so as long as they made Richard's life hell, and told him that they got punished because of him, we would let them have a bit of "free time".

In other words, they got to stay in their huts for the rest of the day, until tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, K-Unit and I went down to the lake to see Richard's face when he woke up.

We contemplated shooting him with an adrenaline needle, but then we decided that a hyper Richard was worse than a sleeping one.

So we waited, and waited and waited.

Finally, Richard woke up.

He sat up, stretched, and…fell into the water!

K-Unit and I laughed merrily as we got it on camera.

He floated up and started thrashing around.

Honestly, you would think he would know how to swim…

But we were resolved to make him learn his lesson (NEVER mess with SAS men…), so we let him thrash. I knew that if things got serious, Wolf would rescue him.

After all, we couldn't let a stupid, idiotic boy put a smudge on our leader's record now could we?

…Well, it wouldn't be the nicest thing to do…

Anyways, after Richard slowly doggie paddled his way out of the water, he looked around, confused, and then went, dripping, back to his hut.

We followed him, staying in the shadows, getting everything on camera.

The few SAS men he passed on the way glared at him with glares nearly equal to Wolf's…but no where near the level of mine.

Finally, he got back to the hut, and walked in.

"What happened?" He asked his classmates, confused.

Tom stood up and glared at him. "What happened was that because you were lazy and didn't wake up, we were punished!"

"Oh. Sorry." Richard said.

"SORRY? WE HAD TO DO A TON OF PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, CHIN-UPS, WE DIDN'T EVEN EAT LUNCH!" Yelled a boy named Gary. He was in the drama club, and was a very good actor.

"You know… I think that we should punish Richard ourselves…Make him suffer, like we suffered." Tom said.

Murmurs of agreement went across the hut.

I found myself believing every word they said.

The kiddies may not have been spy or SAS material, but they sure were good actors!

Richard protested weakly. "But-but, what good will that do?"

"It will give us satisfaction and make us feel better." Said Jenny, a popular, sporty girl.

Once again, the kiddies muttered their agreements.

I found myself laughing my head off for a long, long, time.

They made Richard do sit-ups, push-ups, and even tossed him outside when it came time to sleep!

They said that if they woke up, and he was in the hut, they would help the SAS men kill him.

I was pretty sure that he would sleep outside that night.

When we got back to the hut, K-Unit confronted me.

"We talked to Tom while you were torturing the kiddies in the mini killing house. He said that your guardian wasn't heard from after you disappeared. He also said that they day after you disappeared, two people drove up to your house, went in, and came out crying. And we know that they weren't Mrs. Jones and Mr. Blunt." Fox said.

"We want an explanation." Wolf demanded.

"All right. I guess I owe you that much." I sighed.

"My story doesn't even start with me. It starts with my father, my uncle, and my godfather. They were all spies. My dad's name was John Rider-" I was interrupted by Fox.

"Wait, wasn't John Rider that great spy who went in deep cover in Scorpia?" Fox asked.

"Yeah." I answered. "He was."

Wolf looked surprised. Meanwhile, Snake and Eagle were staring at me in awe.

"My dad had some…trouble getting out of Scorpia. Anyways, they corrupted my Godfather, Ash, and he blew up the plane that was taking them on a vacation. I was one, and I had an ear infection, so I stayed home. No one knew that my Godfather was a traitor. Anyways, the bomb killed my mother and my father so I was left in custody of my uncle. Ian Rider." I paused and then continued.

"Ian disappeared a lot, and back then, I didn't know that he was a spy. Anyways, since he disappeared often, I had to learn how to take care of myself. Then, when I was seven, he hired a housekeeper to take care of me while he was on 'business trips'. Then, when I was fourteen, he died. They said it was a car accident, but I was suspicious. I sneaked around and saw that his car was full of bullet holes."

"Ian was supposed to be a banker. But when I…sneaked into his office, I found files. I was about to look at them when I was knocked out and shipped to an MI6 training facility. There I found out the truth. My uncle was a spy. He had lied to me everyday of my life. Mrs. Jones and Mr. Blunt found out that Ian was training me. Preparing me in a way. They then blackmailed me into finishing his mission. But before that, I was sent to a SAS camp to train. That's where you guys came in." I looked up.

K-Unit looked angrier then when they found out we had babysitting duty. And that was _really _angry…

Wolf opened his mouth and was about to speak when I interrupted him.

"Let me finish. After SAS camp, I went to… the mission, and I succeeded. Later, I went to the Point Blanc mission, and that's where I rode the ironing board down the mountain. Then, I went on a few other missions, before the Scorpia one. That was when I found out about my dad. Anyways"

I interrupted Wolf with his mouth open again. "I was sent undercover, and Scorpia taught me how to shoot. Later, I was shot. That's where the bullet wound happened." I nodded at Snake, who had found out about the bullet wound first, as he was the medic.

"I went on one more mission after that, and then, I was sent on a mission, with a partner. Ash. My godfather. That was the mission where I learned that he was a traitor. He was the man who Fox shot on Dragon Nine." Fox looked as if he wanted to shoot Ash again, and again.

"After that, I went on a mission, about a bomb. I hid the bomb, and then, the people who had it originally went looking for it. They tortured me, to try to get the location of it. Then, when that didn't work, they kidnapped my housekeeper, guardian, and honorary sister. Jack. She…she was tortured, and killed right before my eyes because I didn't tell them where the bomb was." I hung my head. The pitying looks I got from K-Unit were too much.

"I didn't tell them because her last wish…" I swallowed the sadness down, and willed tears to not come out. "Her last wish was that I didn't tell them where the bomb was. I couldn't go against that. When MI6 finally found me and rescued me, three months had passed. They sent me here. And I didn't even get to say goodbye to Tom, and Sabina. The only friends I had left." A stray tear trickled down my cheek.

"The people Tom saw where probably Jack's parents. They came to pick up her body at my house." A dry, sarcastic chuckle came through my throat. "No shipping and handling costs were needed."

"I'm so sorry Cub." Wolf said.

I was surprised. Wolf wasn't the most sentimental person on earth.

"Yeah. We never would've asked… Is it okay if we tell Tom? Because… No offense, but you're a mess. How about tomorrow, we cheer you up by torturing kiddies?" Eagle offered.

Fox just looked like he wanted to choke all the people who had done me wrong in my whole life. And I just told them the shortened, less gory, and terrible version of my life!

I agreed to Eagle's request. He could tell Tom. And I also smiled a bit at the thought of torturing the kiddies.

I could just imagine them taking out all their anger on the poor kids.

It was a happy thought.

I excused myself, and went to take a walk in the woods. It wouldn't cheer me up, but it would give me some time to think.

I thought about everything. Then, I came to a conclusion.

Jack wouldn't want me to give up my life for hers. She would want me to go out there, and be the best damn mini James Bond that I could.

I returned to the hut with my spirits slightly uplifted.

And one good thing for sure came out of me telling K-Unit my story.

That night, I had no nightmares.

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**AN: **

**(1): You know what I mean! I'm not sure what they're called though… **

**(2): Thanks to Sarruby who told me that Richard's last name (Dike) was slang for urinal in Australia. At first I wanted to change his last name, but then I realized that it was fitting. So, I'm keeping it :)**

**Aren't you glad that this chapter was long! Really, it took me a heck of a while to type it! I'm going camping again tomorrow, and I won't be coming back till Sunday… But I'll try to update two chapters then, and if not, I'll try to update a chapter on Tuesday. But I'll definitely update on Sunday… I hope.**

**Anyways, I think this chapter deserves a review… no, a hundred reviews!!! :) Please? I finally answered the question about the nightmares… And if everyone who has this story on story alert reviews, I'll have more than one hundred reviews from this chapter alone! **

**REVIEW!**

**PLEASE? **

**Begging very pitifully for reviews,**

**Marie**


	8. Liar Liar Pants On Fire

**AN: Well, I'm typing this while I'm camping… but we have no power, and my battery is… kinda low, so I'm not sure when this will be updated and published… Wow that was stupid… Obviously, if when you're reading this, it's updated!**

**Anyways, thanks (as always), for all the reviews, I really appreciate it!**

**DISCLAIMER: The capital letters spelling d-i-s-c-l-a-i-m-e-r make me feel important… But apparently I'm not important enough to own Alex Rider… Dang Anthony Horowitz…**

**Chapter….8**

**Liar Liar Pants On Fire**

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_With a thousand lies and a good disguise,_

_Hit him right between the eyes,_

_Hit him right between the eyes,_

_When you walk away, _

_Nothing more to say,_

_See the lightning in your eyes,_

_See them running,_

_For their lives!_

_**- You're Gonna Go Far Kid, by the Offspring

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**_

**Alex's POV**

I looked at the kiddies doing push-ups, and smiled.

Tom had "sprained" his ankle, and his parents were "notified", so he couldn't do any.

Really what happened was that for his wonderful acting skills and ideas to make Richard miserable, K-Unit and I had given him a… pardon of some sort.

Right now, he was leaning on his crutches, and grinning at his classmates.

He wasn't this happy earlier when Richard had woken up inside the hut…

Let's just say that I wouldn't be half surprised if Scorpia came looking to hire Tom as a torturer… As well as the rest of the unpopular, sporty kids who Richard had mocked.

None of them were bullies… but they sure seemed to enjoy making his life hell!

Anyways, the kiddies had been here for… One week, four days, and…about five hours.

And poor Headmaster Bray was still in the hospital, recovering from his very ill-timed heart attack.

We had gotten news that the school-kids who hadn't gone on the trip just went back to school today.

TODAY! As in, they weren't in school before!

And when K-Unit and I inquired to why those snotty kids were still around, we found out that the school was short a teacher, because the vice Headmaster, Mrs. Viers had to step up to Headmaster, so, apparently, we still needed to baby-sit the annoying class of schoolchildren, until they hired another teacher, or Mr. Bray recovered.

I was angry that they couldn't just hire a substitute for a while.

But hey, at least we had plenty of torturous activities planned!

We took the kiddies to everything we did, and made them do it as well!

Except for when we went to the shooting range… We told them to do some type of painful exercising, with a unit watching over them.

We, however, encouraged creativity. We told the units on semi-babysitting duty to do whatever punishment or hard work with them that they wanted…

The other units found out how good it felt to take your anger out on a bunch of lazy annoying school kids.

Tom also gave us suggestions. He mostly told us what Richard complained about the most.

Which was… practically everything…but, we found one thing that he hated to do more than anything else.

Everyone in camp could hear how loud he screamed when he fell off the rock climbing wall.

And I meant _everyone. _The sergeant gave everyone earplugs.

I shook my head to snap out of my thoughts.

I saw Richard flop down to the ground.

I walked over. "Hey, boy, you okay?" I faked a concerned voice.

"Yeah, I guess, but I just can't do anymore." Richard complained.

"Well, I asked you if you were okay, but I didn't ask you if you wanted to stop… GET YOUR BODY OFF THE GROUND AND GIVE ME TWENTY PUSH-UPS!" I yelled.

Richard whimpered and started frantically doing push-ups.

I chuckled, and went back to where I was standing, next to Fox.

The day passed by quickly.

Finally, it was night.

Tom sneaked out of his hut to go discuss things with K-Unit and I.

But they went on a hike, while I was left in charge of the snots, so they would come back at midnight.

"Hey Alex." Tom greeted me as he walked through the door.

"Hey Tom. Listen, can you think of any prank we can pull on the snots?" I asked.

Tom's face looked thoughtful. "I think that you should do an attitude testing. . Make them go on solitary hikes or something." The people who don't complain don't get pranked."

I was shocked. "Tom, when did you get smart?"

"I got smart? Yay!" Tom did his happy dance. In other words, he did the disco. And in other, simpler words, he looked like a complete idiot.

"I take that last statement back."

"Aww… Come on Alex, give a little!" Tom pleaded.

"No… No… And, let's see… umm… No." I said.

Tom proceeded to beg to be called smart until I threw one of Snake's combat boots at him.

"Hey, Alex, do you miss it?" Tom asked unexpectedly.

"Miss what?" I asked, confused.

"Just being… Alex Rider, the school-kid. Not Alex Rider, the brilliant blackmailed teenaged James Bond." Tom explained.

"I'm…not sure." I said. "On one hand, I miss Ian, and Jack, and the simplicity of being a kid. One the other hand, right now, I know I'm making a difference. I'm fighting for a world that needs to be fought for. I'm fighting for the thought that, someday, no one will have to fight for the world. Someday, the world won't need saving. Someday, there won't have to be a teenage mini Bond."

"So, Tom, I…honestly don't know. The old Alex Rider probably would've missed it, but the new Alex Rider…not so much…" I answered Tom's question.

We sat in silence until K-Unit came in.

"Hey Cub. Hey Tom."

"Hello people-who-enjoy-torturing-annoying-school kids." Tom replied.

"Hey guys. Tom had the idea of pranking only people who complained. We can set them apart by a solitary hike." I explained to K-Unit.

"GOOD IDEA TOM!" Eagle shouted enthusiastically. "WE CAN PUT MORE SENSITIVE MIKES ON THE VIDEO CAMERAS SO WE CAN PICK UP MUTTERING!"

We just stared at him.

"Eagle…" Began Wolf. "Did you just have a good idea?"

Eagle did his happy dance, until I handed Snake's boot to Wolf, and he threw it at Eagle. Hard.

Tom excused himself, saying that not everyone was a scary SAS man / teenaged James Bond who didn't need to sleep at night.

We fell asleep with the beautiful thought that tomorrow would be a day closer to when the kiddies would leave, and a day closer to when we would be free again.

Well, as free as SAS men, and a under-aged James Bond could be.

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**Richard's POV (1)**

I couldn't sleep that night because I was so sore from doing push-ups.

Whoever invented push-ups was obviously on the same side as the terrorists.

Al Qaeda and all that…

I heard someone get up from their bed, and move toward the door.

I glanced up. It was Tom.

The evil dude who made me do push-ups, and then sprained his ankle.

He shuffled along with his crutches. **(2)**

I stepped out the door to make sure that he was alright.

After all, I prided myself to be a great guy.

And, I forgot where the bathroom was…

But, then, I saw that he was going somewhere else.

I followed him.

He was heading toward one of the SAS men's huts.

I was pretty sure that he was out of his mind.

That was, until I heard him greet someone.

"Hey Alex."

And that someone greeted him back.

I recognized the voice as Cub's.

Also known as Felix Lester.

Then, I heard something that made my blood chill.

"I think that you should do an attitude testing... Make them go on solitary hikes or something." The people who don't complain don't get pranked."

Tom had sold out to the SAS men!

Then, I heard something worse.

Cub was Alex Rider.

And he didn't deny it.

He was…a teenaged spy?

It couldn't be…

Wait a minute…

If he's Alex Rider…

THEN HE LIED ABOUT BEING FELIX LESTER!

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

Wait a minute….

Maybe when he was disappearing…

He was being mini James Bond…

I had to go tell Jessica and James.

And then, I would confront him!

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**Alex's POV**

After a good night's sleep, Eagle went to wake up the kiddies.

Everybody got up.

Then, they did one hundred sit-ups.

Richard didn't complain.

And when he didn't scream (much) when he fell off the rock wall, multiple times, I knew something was wrong.

I couldn't think of anything that could've happened between yesterday night, and this morning to change him so completely.

Until I thought about the talk I had with Tom.

That's when I knew.

Richard knew my identity.

He knew my job too.

And knowing Richard, he would make a big fuss about it before this afternoon.

I was right.

As usual.

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**AN:**

**(1): The reason I haven't written in his POV for a while is because there just wasn't a good scene to write it in.**

**(2): Tom did this so that if he was spotted by a classmate, there wouldn't be any questions.**

**I hope you guys liked it! I know it isn't that long, but I'll update soon. I promise. Probably on… Tuesday? Maybe Wednesday… Or Monday….**

**I'll update soon!**

**But… Every chapter deserves reviews… don't 'cha think?**

**So… REVIEW!**

**Begging Pitifully for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	9. Right Now tell us the truth

**AN: I must say, I'm a bit disappointed at how little people are reviewing… I know that sounds evil and self-centered… but I've seen the reviewing point go down a bit… I got four less reviews for chapter 8, then I did for chapter 7! Remember, reviews=encouragement and encouragement=faster updates!!!**

**Anyways, a big thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter! Or any chapter! Pretty much a huge thanks to all of you! And here is the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: Why else would it say "Disclaimer"? I don't own Alex Rider! Really people, start thinking about it!**

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**_Last time…_**

_Richard knew my identity._

_He knew my job too._

_And knowing Richard, he would make a big fuss about it before this afternoon._

_I was right._

_As usual._

**Chapter 9**

**Right. Now tell us the truth.**

**Alex's POV**

I'm not one to cuss when there are no terrorists trying to kill me,

But I did utter "_merda" _quite a few times. **(1)**

Ugh. Why couldn't my life be… less full of psychological torture?

That was the ultimate question.

One that I was sure I would never be given an answer to.

I was sure that right after lunch, Richard would throw his "TELL US" fit.

So I had thirty minutes to prepare an answer.

First, I decided I would deny all accusations.

After all, he wasn't that popular…

And even if he was, some people might not have believed him…

But…

If any of the kiddies were smart…

They would figure out that since I looked like Alex Rider, I might _be _Alex Rider…

And if Richard told them about Tom…

They might piece together how Tom wasn't as afraid of us SAS soldiers, how he didn't have to do many exercises, and they would probably deduce that Richard was telling the truth…

Which would lead me to lying and saying something like…

Tom's dad was friends with Wolf, and he was supposed to help us with the training exercises?

But that still wouldn't explain why Tom called me Alex Rider, and I responded.

In other words, I was really, truly, screwed.

All the lies I could think of would lead to smaller, thinner lies, that would eventually double cross themselves, and I would be regarded as the kid who has a thousand lies.

But maybe, just maybe, I could convince them that Richard was hallucinating… Then he would be the boy who cried lie.

But…that probably wouldn't work…after all, they would see that I really did look like Alex Rider…

And the Druggie was best friends with Tom…

So it would make complete sense…

But I wouldn't go down without a fight.

After all, if I could face terrorists with guns, I could face teenagers who overheard secrets… I hope.

Well, we would learn soon.

As soon as we recovered the snots from the dining hut, and were about to talk about the solo hikes, Richard walked up to us, faced his classmates, and started yelling.

"YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE ME! BUT I OVERHEARD TOM, AND CUB TALKING! WHY IS THIS UNCOMMON? BECAUSE IT WAS AT NIGHT! AND GUESS WHAT I HEARD? FIRST OF ALL, TOM IS A TRAITOR! HE SUGGESTED EVIL THINGS THAT COULD BE DONE TO US! AND GUESS WHAT CUB'S REAL IDNETITY IS?"

Here, Richard paused. Obviously waiting for an answer.

"It's Felix Lester." Said quite a nerdy boy named Oliver.

"NO! IT ISN'T! WE WERE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME! IT _IS _ALEX RIDER! AND GUESS WHAT? HE'S THE SAME ALEX RIDER WHO WE KNEW! AND HE WASN'T NORMAL EVEN BACK THEN! ANYONE REMEMBER HOW HE KEPT DISAPPEARING? HE WAS PLAYING TEENAGED JAMES BOND! AND REMEMBER HOW THE SAS MEN SAID THAT HE DID THE ASSAULT COURSE WHEN HE WAS 14? REMEMBER WHAT AGE HE WAS WHEN HE DISAPPEARED? SO IF YOU'RE SMART, YOU'LL SEE THAT CUB AND ALEX RIDER ARE THE SAME PERSON!" Richard stopped, obviously happy with the way he explained it.

Wolf stepped forward. "Do you actually have any _evidence _that Cub is called Alec, I mean Alex Rider?"

"I heard it!" Richard defended.

"That doesn't count for anything…you have no real evidence. No witnesses, and you definitely chose the wrong time to act up." Fox said.

"That's right. Because now, we were going to let you guys just swim in the lake…but now, we want all of you to do fifty laps." Eagle said, grinning.

Of course, the frolicking in the lake was made up, but no need to tell the kiddies that.

"WAIT!" James stepped forward. "What if we search through Cub's stuff? And what if we find evidence?"

Murmurs of agreement swept through the crowd of kids.

And at that moment, I knew I was doomed.

I had pictures of Jack, Ian and I in my stuff.

And even worse, a copy of my file was in there too.

But if I refused, and said that an invasion of privacy would not be tolerated, the kiddies would suspect that I was hiding something.

And why wouldn't that something begin with the word Secret, and end in Identity?

In the end, I agreed to the search.

And I relished the last few minutes of being "Felix Lester".

Because, in exactly four minutes and 42 seconds, Richard found the pictures.

And my identity was blown.

"OH MY GOD! IT REALLY IS RIDER!"

After that, I heard a few people exclaim: "How the bloody hell could Druggie get into the SAS?"

That's when Wolf blew his whistle, signifying that the kiddies had better get to him quick…or else…

And I took a deep breath.

"Yes, Richard told the truth. He really did overhear Tom and I talking. And I really am Alex Rider. I was recruited for MI6, and blackmailed into doing missions. Before my first mission, I was sent here, and I really did get seventeen minutes on the assault course."

A bit of laughter went around, directed at Richard, as I said this statement.

"After one of my missions went very wrong, I was sent here permanently, and now I take on SAS missions and MI6 missions. Do not envy me. I have seen things you couldn't imagine… And since Richard acted up, without evidence, FIFTY LAPS IN THE LAKE! NOW!"

The kids scrambled.

Although the day was terrible, and no doubt it would lead to other terrible things, I knew it could've been worse.

For example they could've….

Umm….

They could've…

All right! So it was pretty much the worst case scenario.

All this ran through my head as we kicked the kiddies into their hut, and walked back to ours.

Just then, a running Bear intercepted us.

"Guys, the Sarge wants you in his office."

K-Unit and I glanced at each other.

Could it possibly have been because the kiddies had discovered my identity?

When we were inside the office, the Sergeant informed us that Headmaster Bray was nearly ready to get out of the hospital.

This news was greeted by a "Yes, sir!".

But, after we got outside, the real celebration began.

Whoops and yells of joy exploded from our mouths.

Just about two more days!

Two more days of little snotty kiddies!

And two more days of torturing those snotty kiddies!

Huzzah!

Hallelujah!

But then we realized that the while the SAS men shared our opinion of the kiddies, they did not appreciate us cutting into their sleep time.

Eagle, the only one who couldn't dodge the boots, would have many bruises in the morning.

That night was one of the best I had.

Of course, we didn't sleep much.

We played poker for a very long time.

And some of us (Eagle) would fail at cheating, again, and again, and again.

Finally, we told Eagle that if he didn't stop cheating, we would personally make sure that he would be thrown in that insane asylum that had been on standby for as long as we could remember.

He stopped.

When we got up in the morning, the sunshine seemed to shine, until it realized it was shining over a SAS camp, and then it quickly hid behind a cloud.

But at least it didn't rain.

It was the best weather, and future, that we had seen for a while.

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**AN:**

**(1): "**_**Merda" **_**means "shit" in Italian…(or so online translators tell me)… Just for the record, he learned Italian in the two years he spent at the SAS camp (and on various missions)…**

**Wow. I can't believe it. They know. You're probably asking why I can't believe it, well, the answer is, I actually planned for nobody to believe Richard… But somehow, the idiots of Brookland believed him!**

**Anyways, two more days with the kiddies, two more chapters!**

**And maybe a third one, as an epilogue…hmm…**

**I won't hold chapters hostage… But remember… REVIEWS=FASTER UPDATES!!!! Yay!**

**So REVIEW!**

**Please?**

**Begging ever so pitifully for reviews,**

**Marie**


	10. You Know Me, DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY

**AN: Wow!!!! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!! I got so many reviews for the last chapter! Anyways, in this chapter, wait, am I supposed to tell you that? Anyways, the kiddies are still there… :(**

**DISCLAIMER: Gimme an D-I-S-C-L-A-I-M-E-R!!! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? I DON'T OWN ALEX RIDER!**

**Chapter 10**

**Yes, you know me, so DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY

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**Alex's POV**

Today wouldn't be so bad…

At least that's what I thought…

The day (as always), started with Eagle shouting, and waking K-Unit and I up.

Then, Eagle went to wake up the kiddies, and they were late.

So we punished them with a lot of push-ups, and sit-ups.

But as soon as they hit the assault course, it all went wrong…

I had ordered Jessica to do it again, as she had caused her team to get into last.

And her whole team obviously would've come close to first, but she, as mentioned before, was very, very slow.

Anyways, Jessica objected (In a very, very annoying voice). "But, but, I know you! I went to school with you for at least eight years! You can't just make me do the assault course because you want me to!"

To which I answered quite calmly, "If I tell you to go on the assault course, you go on the assault course. If I tell you to jump off the bridge, you get your ass over the bridge before I kill you! You have no special place in my heart. If anything, I want revenge. So HAUL YOUR ASS OVER THE COURSE, BEFORE I KICK YOUR OVER IT!"

She sure scampered.

But, she started something.

For the rest of the day, people were whining, and complaining, and whining, and complaining even more!

They said things like "You were my friend!" (Reply: "Keyword: _were. _I remember you calling me druggie. So now Druggie is telling you to get your ass in the lake!"). Actually, that was pretty much all they said.

They were very uncreative.

So my whole day was spent yelling at everyone (minus Tom, who, I might mention, got to help Eagle with the torturing), and telling them that _because _they knew me, they were going to get tortured more.

That afternoon, we were called to the Sergeant's office.

"K-Unit, MI6 has sent me about thirty copies of the Official Secrets Act. I expect you to get everyone who knows about Cub's status to sign one."

So naturally, that afternoon, we had to run around, forcing the kids to sign the act.

"But…it says I can't tell my mom about you!"

"Wait! It says we can't tell the rest of the school about Cub!"

"YES! IT SAYS HERE WE CAN STILL GOSSIP ABOUT HIM IN SCHOOL! Aww… BUT WE CAN'T TELL THE TRUTH?!"

"No! We can't gossip about it to our friends!?"

And it went on…and on…and on!

Finally, all the kiddies signed, were threatened by Wolf ("Tell anyone…and I'll find you…"), and stampeded to their huts when they were threatened by Eagle, who said that if they didn't go to their huts now, they would have to… I'm not sure that I should repeat that…

* * *

Anyways, in our hut, along with Tom…

"I am so sick of those snots!" Fox exclaimed.

Tom spoke up "I'm sick of my classmates as well…"

"Well, let's play a prank on them!" Eagle exclaimed.

"But what…?" Snake pondered.

Tom and Eagle began firing off suggestions.

"We could…throw them in a river!"

"Tickle them to death!"

"Tell them to…eat a camel's poop!"

"Trick them into thinking that Snake is a real snake!"

"Take them white river rafting, and dye the water red!"

We all stared at Tom.

"What? I think it's a good idea!"

They continued suggesting things that began to get more and more outrageous.

"We can…send them back to prehistoric times!"

"How?"

"With a time machine of course!"

"We could…put them in a fake hostage situation!"

"Or, we could trick them into thinking that everything was a dream!" I suggested while laughing.

K-Unit and Tom stared at me.

"That actually might not be such a bad idea…" Wolf said, thoughtfully.

"I was thinking we could get another unit into teaching them, and we could go into hiding, and when they ask the unit "Where's K-Unit?" They can reply, "Who the bloody hell is K-Unit?" The snots will be so freaked out!" Eagle shouted happily.

I was starting to think that my joking idea wouldn't be that bad…

"Tom! You have to act like that unit has been there for a long time! That will freak them out even more!" Fox exclaimed gleefully.

Everyone started to get excited, but there was work to be done.

We dragged Tom to the Sergeant, and asked for permission to pull out L-Unit from their hiking trip. He agreed to help us prank the snots, and sent a unit after them.

When they came back, we briefed them on their "mission", and they, who had heard about how annoying and stupid the kiddies had been, agreed to help.

So K-Unit and I drove them into our hut, and told them everything they needed to know.

After that, we went to brief all other units.

They agreed, and very happily offered to help us with the setting up of extra cameras.

It wouldn't do to have no evidence of the gullible kiddies, now would it!?

We planned to make their last full day here at, a living hell.

We would make them pay…

* * *

**Richard's POV (1)**

Ugh! It was terrible!

I had only about twenty minutes to figure out a signature!

I finally settled for just signing with my name in cursive.

It looked good.

Then, after signing the Act, I started to read it.

I was soon appalled at what I had signed.

It said that I couldn't tell my mommy who Cub was!

And I couldn't tell my friends that couldn't go on this trip!

It was terrible!

I went up to Wolf, and started protesting.

"Hey, Wolf! It says here that…" I trailed off when I saw Wolf's face.

I decided it would be better for my face and future children if I backed away quickly.

I didn't take my advice…I ran.

Wolf kept glaring at me.

I hid behind James, who in turn hid behind me.

And so we both hid in the bathrooms.

And we were both discovered by a SAS man.

And so we were introduced to torture, aka assault course.

What fun.

* * *

**Tom's POV**

Tomorrow would be our last full day here.

As well as the day as well as the day that K-Unit and I would get our revenge on my classmates.

They hadn't done much to me, but someone who makes fun of my best mate gets into my bad book for the rest of their miserable lives.

Alex had stuck up for me with bullies, he had told me his secret, he had listened to me rant about my parent's arguments. He had been my best mate for many, many years.

And I would finally pay him back for all he had done for me.

* * *

**Alex's POV**

Tomorrow, Operation Confuse Kiddies To Death commences!

...Eagle chose the name.

All of us knew what he was like when someone rejected his operation name…

He once beat up his old army teammates because they changed one word in the operation name he had chosen…

But that's another story for another day!

I went to sleep, knowing that tomorrow would be a good day.

I was right…

Well, partly right…

* * *

**AN:**

**(1): This takes place during the signing of the Official Secrets Act**

**Sorry that this chapter was short and a filler… But if I didn't put it in here, you would have no idea what happened in the next chapter! You people wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to put myself in Tom's shoes…**

**Anyways, I'll try to update very soon, as in tomorrow, or maybe Tuesday…**

**Please review!!! It encourages me, and makes me happy!**

**Okay, how about this, if I get at least 10 reviews for this chapter, Richard will be punched, or kicked! Yay! Come on!**

**Remember, 10 reviews for a hurt Richard!**

**Begging for Richard to get Hurt (And that will take 10 reviews!),**

**Marie**


	11. IMPOSTERS!…I think…

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews! And here is the long awaited chapter (I hope you guys awaited it...), in which the kiddies get what they deserve!  
**

**(On a negative note: I just got an anonymous review saying that my story was boring, and that I should delete it. My motto is: Don't Like: Don't Read. To the person who wrote the review that is now deleted: I'm not going to delete this story, and seriously? Don't waste your time whining about something that's not serious. Really… Get a life!)**

**Disclaimer: Why else would there be a disclaimer? Me no own Alex Rider…YET…**

**Chapter 11**

**IMPOSTERS!…I think…

* * *

**

**Alex's POV**

We signaled Hawk (pretty much Eagle, but a different person, in a different unit), to go in the kiddies' hut, and to wake them.

"RISE AND SHINE! IT'S TIME FOR YOU LITTLE BRATS TO GET UP!" Hawk yelled while squirting water from a very realistic looking water gun at the kiddies (We had no idea where he got it, and we thought it would be better not to ask…).

The kids grumbled and sat up, and started getting out of bed.

Tom looked over to the hidden camera and winked.

I chuckled. Tom always had a way of being a smart-ass.

Now, the kiddies went outside.

They looked around blearily, and they all jumped when Cougar, the leader of L-Unit yelled at them for being late.

"YOU ARE A BLOODY DISGRACE TO YOUR SCHOOL! WHEN YOU ARE WOKEN UP, YOU GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF BED BEFORE WE KICK YOU INTO A RIVER AND WATCH YOU DROWN!"

That certainly woke them up.

"Sir, where's K-Unit?" Oliver the nerdy boy spoke up.

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL IS K-UNIT?" Cobra of L-Unit yelled.

"They-they-they were training us." James replied, looking as though he was about to wet his pants from Cougar's glare (Which for the record, was fourth in glare standards at Beacon Brecons, First was the Sergeant's, second was Wolf's, and third was mine).

"What the bloody hell are you talking about you retard? We have been training you for nearly three weeks now!" Falcon yelled, but as he was not as loud as the others, it didn't seem like really _yelled yelled_…

So in other words, the kiddies were encouraged.

"No, K-Unit has! But they went away for a week, and then they trained us for a little while, and then we found out that Cub was actually our old classmate Alex Rider, and he was a teenaged spy, and that he was recruited when he was 14!" Jessica blabbed.

L-Unit looked at each other.

I had just realized how stupid that sounded.

K-Unit and I were on the floor, laughing.

Tom looked at a hidden camera, and I noticed that while he was standing with one eyebrow raised, at his classmates, he was also trying hard not to laugh…

Thank god he had taken acting lessons when he was nine…

"Has there been some kind of gas leak in their hut?" Cobra asked loudly.

"Not as far as I know…" Falcon, the unit medic said.

L-Unit looked like they were seriously considering the thought…

Finally, they shook themselves out of it, and started yelling at the kids to get their butts running.

Tom got in "trouble" for going too slowly on the assault course, and was sent on a "solitary hike".

In reality, L-Unit just sent him to us to listen to the updates in our plan, and to relax, and laugh at his very stupid classmates.

We told him the schedule.

* * *

0615: Wake the kiddies up, and make them think that L-Unit had trained them.

0645: Stop laughing at kiddies.

0700: Get kiddies into dining hut.

0715: Yell at kiddies for taking too long eating food.

0730: Make kiddies to push-ups, sit-ups, and anything else.

0815: Make kiddies do laps in the lake.

0900: Make kiddies go over the assault course.

0915: Fake Tom being in trouble, have him go to K-Unit, laugh, and find out the schedule.

1145: Tom comes back, informs Cobra about the plan.

1146: Laugh at kiddies going over course.

1200: Miscellaneous activities, creativeness.

2200: Day finishes, kiddies go to bed.

* * *

NEXT DAY

0615: K-Unit wakes up kiddies

0630: When kiddies ask where L-Unit is, look confused.

0700: Get kiddies into dining hut

0715: Yell at kiddies for taking to long, eating food.

0730: Tell kiddies how much K-Unit and every other unit hated them, inform them that they will never make it as soldiers, or SAS.

0800: Kiddies' bus arrives, kiddies finally leave.

0900: All units day off for celebration

2200: Sleep

* * *

Tom laughed when we informed him of our schedule, and we sat watching the kiddies stumble over the course, time and time again.

We gave him a paper copy of the schedule, and told him to guard it with his life.

He saluted, and left when it was time for him to go.

In other words, he left when Wolf started glaring at him. Understandably, he didn't want to go back to his classmates…who would?

So he went back, went over to Cobra and discreetly handed him the schedule.

Cobra nodded, and pretended to yell at Tom. "NOW! YOU WILL GO DO THE ASSAULT COURSE AGAIN!"

Tom mock saluted, and ran off to do the course.

The rest of the time went to schedule. In other words, L-Unit got to embrace their creative side.

They did partner swimming: **(1)** "I'm not dragging him along!" "Eww! I'm not gay!" "I hope I get Jessica…"

Cliff climbing:

"AHHH!"

"Calm down Richard!"

"I'M GONNA DIE!"

They did kick boxing: "OW YOU HIT ME!" "NO KICKING!"

Boxing: "NO PUNCHING!"

Or at least they _tried _to do the last two…

Finally, they got the best idea of all.

They put everyone in an every-man-for-himself fight.

The smart kiddies just walked out of the fight, and watched the dumb kiddies punch, and kick.

Finally, Jessica and Richard were left.

As the other kids realized that fighting was stupid and went to go join the smart kids.

Richard said "Aw, Jessica, don't make me hurt you!"

Jessica flew into a rage, and kneed him where it hurt.

It was unlucky for Richard that they had fought on a hill.

He rolled down, and over the rocks, and came to rest in a pit of half-frozen slime. **(2)**

Needless to say, we all laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

And guess what?

We kept laughing.

We laughed for a very, very long time.

We started to calm down, but then Richard started to stand up.

He looked like the boogieman from hell.

So of course we started laughing again.

As did everyone else.

I fell of the chair I was sitting in, and laughed on the floor instead.

But then, I sat back up, not wanting to miss anything that the camera caught.

I was rewarded nicely.

Richard kept trying to go up the hill, but he kept tripping and rolling back down into the slime pit!

Finally, he got up, noticed the path leading up the hill, walked around, and went up the path.

I was disappointed that we hadn't thought to bring popcorn.

As I looked at the screens, I noticed that something was very, very, wrong.

All of the units were hiding in the bushes, laughing at Richard.

And I meant all of them.

Every single unit that was at camp for training, or on standby, was watching.

I was about to radio them and tell them that this was a private performance, but then I remembered that many of them had, in the past, babysat the school kids that came on April 1st.

So I let them enjoy themselves.

After all, SAS soldiers are only sadistic to people who deserve it!

…Most of the time anyways.

And just for the record, Eagle deserves it!

I tore away from my thoughts to watch the kiddies point and laugh at Richard.

I would've felt sorry for him… but let's face it. It's Richard. He had it coming for a long, long time!

Finally, L-Unit stopped yelling at Richard, and sent the kiddies to their bed hut.

The kiddies fell asleep instantly, while Tom, went to our hideout, and we watched a recording of Richard falling and stumbling again, and again, and again.

All in all, it was a good day. No, not a good day.

As far as it could get to a great day at Beacon Brecons.

And a very good day for fond memories.

* * *

**Richard POV**

MY BUTT HURTS! AND I AM COLD!

Stupid SAS people...

**AN:**

**(1): You know, where one person swims using their arms, and the other person holds their ankles and kicks! (It's really hard…)**

**(2): Big thanks to The Feral Candy Cane for the hill and slime idea!**

**YAY! RICHARD GOT HURT! I'm happy! Next chapter might be the last… but there might be an epilogue of sorts… And next chapter, THE KIDDIES GO AWAY! Yay!**

**Thanks to everyone who contributed a review in hopes that it would give Richard pain. You guys are the best!**

**I liked this chapter! And didn't you like to see Richard get hurt and embarrassed?**

**So please review!**

**PLEASE?**

**Begging oh so very Pitifully for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	12. Hey, kid! Get over here!

**AN: Hate to say this… But barely anyone reviewed! :(… But the people who did said that they enjoyed reading about Richard embarrassing himself! So that made me happy! Yay! This is the last full chapter… I think… There might be another one… Well, there will be an epilogue… It might be long….**

**Well, nothing to worry about now!**

**Disclaimer: Guys, seriously, I am a teenager, a female, and I live in the US, Does it _look _like I own Alex Rider?**

**Chapter 12**

**Hey, kid! Get over here!

* * *

**

**Alex's POV**

Today was the day!

What a wonderful day!

What a beautiful wonderful day!

Joy to the world!

Today the kiddies were going home.

But now the second part of Operation Confuse Kiddies to Death commences!

Later last night, K-Unit moved back into our hut, and all traces of L-Unit were eliminated.

L-Unit went to the video room, and prepared to laugh.

So we slept, and Eagle went to wake up the kiddies.

"RISE AND SHINE! YOU'RE FINALLY GOING AWAY! HURRAH!" Eagle yelled, while prancing around the hut and splashing water on the kiddies.

As always, the kiddies groaned, moaned, and then finally slid their legs off the beds, and got dressed.

Then, they went outside, and finally noticed that the people standing in front of them looked different then the people who had stood in the same spot yesterday.

"K-Unit? Where's L-Unit?" Asked Oliver the nerdy kid.

We looked at each other like he was crazy.

"Who the devil is L-Unit?!" Eagle asked/yelled.

"The-the unit who was teaching us yesterday!" James answered.

This conversation was turning out surprisingly like yesterdays.

"WE WERE TEACHING YOU YESTERDAY!" Fox yelled.

The kiddies looked confused.

I was 100% sure that right now, L-Unit was cracking up.

I would've been too, if I wasn't standing in front of the kiddies right now.

"Hmm… Do you think some marijuana smoke could've somehow gotten into their hut?" I asked.

Snake frowned. "I don't see how, unless one of them is a druggie…"

We all frowned, like we were seriously considering the thought.

I saw Eagle look at each of the kids, as if studying them to see if they looked like druggies.

Wolf then started yelling at the kiddies to either get their butts into the dining hut, or have them kicked all the way there.

So of course, the kiddies ran all the way there.

I grinned at Eagle who gave me a thumbs up.

I then, turned and waved at the cameras.

I chuckled quietly imagining Hawk waving back and shouting, "CUB'S WAVING!"

Turning I jogged to K-Unit.

We proceeded to go to the dining hut, where the kiddies were eating for the last time.

A few minutes later, we barged in, informed the kiddies that they had eaten long enough, and that they should go on outside (YOU ARE DONE STUFFING YOUR FACES, SO GET YOUR LAZY ARSES OUTSIDE!).

So then we made them do sit-ups for about five minutes, and then I spoke up and said "Gather round."

The kids cautiously came closer to us.

"Okay, kids. Look. I'm going to be perfectly honest with you." Wolf started.

"Only Tom, Alyssa, and Matthew will ever have a chance to be soldiers. SAS or otherwise. THE REST OF YOU WERE TERRIBLE! NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN SUCH INCOMPITENCE! YOU WERE THE WORST OF THE WORST! YOU HAD BETTER BE GLAD THAT YOU ARE NOT SAS, BECAUSE IF YOU WERE, I'D GIVE YOU PUNISHMENT DUTY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! NOW GET YOUR SORRY ARSES TO THE ROAS WHERE YOU FIRST CAME HERE, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE HIKE! GOT THAT?"

In way of confirmation, the kiddies ran for their life.

I chuckled, and then jogged up to them to yell at them that they were going the wrong way.

Tom ran at the front with me.

"I promise to stay…somewhat in contact with you…" I promised.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked.

"During the breaks we are scheduled to have, I'll use a cell phone to quickly call you." I explained.

"What do you usually do during the breaks?" Tom asked.

I sighed. "I usually stay with Fox's family, as I don't have one of my own…"

There was an awkward silence until Richard tripped, and everyone laughed at him.

Of course, no one noticed that it was Eagle who tripped him.

I would have to remember to congratulate him on that…

We finally made it to the clearing where the kiddies' bus was supposed to pick them up.

And we waited.

And waited.

I was about to tell the kiddies that they were going to walk back to Brookland, when the bus came.

The bus driver yelled "EVERYONE ON! I WANT TO GET BACK TO BROOKLAND BEFORE MIDNIGHT!"

And all the kiddies scrambled onto the bus.

I turned to K-Unit and said "Men, the celebration begins as soon as that bus goes out of sight!"

Then, another voice cut in.

"HEY, KID! I TOLD EVERYONE TO GET ON THE BUS!"

It was the bus driver.

I turned around and I could feel my eyes emit a deathly glare.

"Excuse me?"

The bus driver nearly jumped back.

"Oh, s-s-sorry, I thought you were a kid… I'll just be going now!" And with that, the very stupid bus driver leapt onto the bus, and immediately sped away.

I laughed heartily with K-Unit at the man's facial expression.

And with that, we ran back to the camp, and shouted as one "THE LITTLE ANNOYING KIDDIES ARE GONE!"

All of the units started cheering, and L-Unit brought out the whole documentary.

We had videotaped every second on the kiddies being there, and apparently O-Unit cut out the boring parts, and made DVDs for everyone, so that we could remember the experience.

We watched it.

Laughing, laughing and laughing.

Then, we laughed.

And laughed some more.

Life without kiddies was good.

Well, as good as it got at an SAS training/standby camp.

* * *

**BUS DRIVER POV (1)**

As I yelled for everyone to get onto the bus, I noticed one teenager still remained talking to the SAS men…

He was probably asking about how to get into the SAS.

I was anxious to get back.

It was a long drive back to Brookland, and I didn't want to get stuck in traffic.

So I called to the boy, in a not very kind voice. "HEY, KID! I TOLD EVERYONE TO GET ON THE BUS!"

He turned around, and asked very coldly "Excuse me?"

I realized my mistake.

He may have looked like a kid from the back, but his face showed that he was at least twenty one…

His eyes were so cold, I felt myself jump back just from the shock of seeing eyes like that.

"Oh, s-s-sorry, I thought you were a kid… I'll just be going now!" I stuttered, leaped aboard the bus, and hit the accelerator with as much strength as I could muster.

I didn't even notice the soldiers laughing at me…

* * *

**Alex's POV**

The next morning, I woke up, and sighed with relief.

Finally, that episode of my life was over.

K-Unit and I slipped into our normal activities easily.

The one thing that was hard was having only Eagle to yell at…

Just then, the Sergeant called us over to his office.

"Men, MI6 called, Cub is going on a mission, and you will be his back-up. Go to headquarters for the details."

As soon as we were in the car headed for MI6, I relaxed.

I might not have the best life, or hell, even a good life, but I have a life, and that's something.

Life was normal from that moment on…

Until the next April 1st…

* * *

**AN:**

**(1): I first imagined the "kid get over here!" scene in the Bus Driver's POV, but then I decided that Alex had to show his experience as well… :)**

**Don't worry! There's still one more chapter of Unrecognizable left! It's going to be an epilogue… and even shorter than this… but who cares!**

**Sorry about this being short… I tried my best, but some things just aren't mean to be long!**

**I'll probably write a one shot about how Alex started spending holidays with Fox's family… It's an idea that's been running through my head for a while…**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Begging very pitifully for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	13. Epilogue

**AN: I'm really really really sorry for not updating, but my brother got me grounded from the computer, and now I can only go on it when I'm alone in the house… Thank you SOOO much for the reviews! I am on Cloud Ten. Not Cloud Nine. That's just a tourist attraction. Cloud Ten is more private :).**

**And also, I'm very sick, and for some reason, my body likes making me throw up at night…**

**Disclaimer: Anthony Horowitz can't get drunk enough to give away the rights… Believe me, I've tried…**

**Chapter 13**

**Epilogue  
**

**

* * *

**

**Alex's POV**

It was a year after the kiddies came to visit.

And we got babysitting duty again…

But thankfully, the school we got did not used to have a teenaged spy undercover in it, so everything went fine.

As in, we tortured them, and they left at the right time…

We were sure that they would speak of their stay with us in horror.

And that was music to our ears.

I knocked on Tom's door.

He opened it, and said surprised, "Alex?"

I rolled my eyes and answered sarcastically "No, it's Richard…"

He began to raise his arm, as to hit me, and then thought better of it.

Smart boy.

I motioned to the living room and asked "Can I come in?"

He startled out of it.

"Yeah, sure."

"So, where are your parents?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Visiting Jerry." Tom answered.

The doorbell suddenly rang.

"Oh crap! I forgot! I have a date!" Tom freaked out.

"Wait, Tom, is she from our school?" Tom nodded.

"Did she go to the SAS camp?" Tom shook his head.

"Then I'm going to go open the door, and pretend that this is the wrong house…" I waited for Tom to shout 'NO!'

He didn't.

"Do you not like her or something?" I asked.

Tom flinched. "She basically made me ask her…"

I held up an arm, motioned for him to go to the kitchen, and opened the door.

There was a blonde standing there… I was pretty sure her name was Kelly.

"Can I help you?" I asked politely.

"Hi, um… I'm like here for like a date with Tom Harris?" She asked, using the word like much too many times.

"…I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong house… I've never met a Tom Harris." I lied smoothly.

"Alright then…then how about instead, you and me go out on a date?" She asked.

I was stunned.

"I'm sorry, I'm not available…" I said.

She smiled, and then shook my hand and walked off. "Call me anytime!"

I looked down at the piece of paper she had pushed into my hand.

I then turned to Tom, and asked. "Do you wanna call her?"

He shook his head, and then started staring at me.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No, but, I just noticed, you have this _huge _scratch thing from your eye to your neck! It's all bloody and gross!" Tom explained.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to call her or not?"

"Lets…" Tom rubbed his hands together evilly.

Tom pulled out his phone, dialed the number on the slip of paper, and put it on speaker so I could hear.

"Hello?" Kelly answered.

"Hey, Kelly, where are you?" Tom asked innocently.

"Umm… Who is this?" Kelly asked a bit confused.

"It's Tom… The guy who was going on a date with you?"

"Oh… Umm… I like, totally forgot about that… Do you mind if we do it another day?"

"Not at all…" Tom answered.

"Okay… Bye!" She squeaked as in the background we heard someone say "Hey baby, can I have a kiss?"

She hung up, and Tom and I burst into laughter.

"HAHAHA!" Tom laughed.

Then he suddenly stopped. "Wait, I thought you were staying with Fox?"

"I am…" I answered, confused.

"Then why are you here?" Tom asked.

"Because, one: I'm deathly tired of that man, two: He's annoying, and three: Because I wanted to ask you how Richard is doing." I answered.

"What do you mean, how is he doing…" Tom trailed off. "You did something to him didn't you." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Maybe…" I suddenly sat upright. "I'm spending too much time around Eagle…"

Tom laughed, and then asked. "What did you do?"

"Well, don't be surprised if as soon as he graduates, he is somehow enlisted into the army…"

Tom laughed. "So, I was thinking… I think I'm going to pursue a life in politics…" He looked at me.

"I think that's a great idea… As long as you don't turn into the next Blunt." I answered.

He shook his head, and sounded horrified, "I look _terrible _in gray!"

I laughed, and patted Tom on the back.

It was good to laugh with friends.

It was even better to be accepted.

As I had been.

With K-Unit, and now Tom.

Life was as good as it could be for a blackmailed teenaged spy.

Life was good.

**Kelly's POV (1)**

As I walked to Tom's address, I thought.

I had to make sure that our date was short, Kyle was coming over, and I couldn't be late…

I went up to the door, and rang the doorbell.

A man opened it.

He was hot, with sexy blond, tousled hair, and a bloody scratch leading from his eye to his neck.

He had muscles, he wasn't the bulging kind, but he was definitely strong.

I suddenly wished that Kyle wasn't coming over, and that I didn't have a date with Tom.

Then he spoke,

"Can I help you?" He asked politely.

His voice was swoon-worthy.

Deep, rich, and kind.

"Hi, um… I'm like here for like a date with Tom Harris?" I asked, hoping the whole time that he would say 'I don't know a Tom, how about you go on a date with me?'

"…I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong house… I've never met a Tom Harris." He said.

My heart jumped into my throat. I had a chance!

"Alright then…then how about instead, you and me go out on a date?" I asked smoothly.

He looked surprised.

"I'm sorry, I'm not available…" He said. I was sure there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

I smiled, took out a piece of paper with my phone number, and then shook his hand and walked off. "Call me anytime!" I shouted.

That night, Tom called me.

I had clean forgotten about him.

I could've sworn I heard some other person in the background…

Ah well, maybe I didn't.

That night, I went to sleep with dreams of the hot man who had greeted me at the door…

I never saw him again…

**Alex POV (2)**

Every once in a while, when I was walking around London, I would see that girl, Kelly.

I would always hide in the shadows until the threat was passed…

I couldn't risk having a tag-along…

Life with K-Unit had improved… We learned to carry duct tape wherever we went.

All so we couldn't be bothered with Eagle's talking.

Life was good.

**Richard POV**

AHHH!!!

HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID I GET ENLISTED INTO THE ARMY?

**AN:**

**(1): There's no more Alex POV in this story. **

**(2): That wasn't planned… **

**I always hate it when authors start fake crying when they finish a story, because with my Twilight fics, I was always glad to be done… But this one was fun to write…**

**I'll miss you, Unrecognizable!**

**Anyways, I have Three AR fics planned so far, two one-shots, (one is halfway done,) and one story involving Alex, K-Unit, and a kid marvelously identical to Richard….**

**:). Please review the last chapter of Unrecognizable… I'm not sure why I put Kelly in, but I had a lot of fun writing the whole story… I actually planned for 11 chapters, but then I realized that Alex deserved an unlucky number.**

**Please review!!!! PLEASE!**

**Begging sadly for the last reviews of this story, **

**Marie**


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